Attention All Americans™!
It's time to join Shopping
on the right side of The War On Christmas!!!
Baby Jesus
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

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When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!"
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~ George W. Bush, September 12, 2001

Shopping is an activity which is every patriotic American's duty, as our great President made clear after September 11. Patriotic shoppers should however, remember not to shop at any stores which refuse to say, "Merry Christmas".

Shopping is a weapon in America's arsenal to defeat the terrorists. Its official name is U.S. Air Force ICBS - 421. Because of its Inter-Continental nature only shopping at international corporations will truly hit the terrorists where it hurts. When given the choice, every good American should drive past a "locally-owned" or "mom 'n' pop" retail location and go straight to an international American one such as Wal-Mart, Home Depot, or a CVS.

Shopping makes The Baby Jesus happy, provided it is done at a store which is not run by godless atheists. If you hear "Happy Holidays", one of the primary weapons in The War on Christmas, leave immediately and go to another store which does not hate Jesus.

If you happen to see any Menorahs or a Star of David, feel free to continue shopping, as long as the store retains its Christmas greeting and Christmas decorations. Jews, after all, are almost Christians. Which, of course, they will become after The Second Coming of Our Lord and Savior.

If you hear or see any silly Kwanzaa nonsense (no offense to our black friends) leave immediately. Christmas shopping is not a time for bongo drums, voodoo dolls or pagan harvest festivals.

See AlsoEdit

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