Shoes are second only to sandals in footwear sanctity. However, many problems can occur resulting from improper use of shoes, such as face-crushing, ankle-tweaking, toe-smashing, and gastrointestinal bleeding. Shoes should only be applied by trained professionals, such as the hardworking Chinese employees of Nike, as well as Meg, who is Dr. Stephen Colbert's female assistant.
Real Americans use shoes to stomp out the burning fires started by liberals, communists and Hillary Clinton. Stephen Colbert wears size America shoes and would walk all over everyone preventing truthiness, but his feet never touch the ground. And truthiness always wins anyway.
Shoes in the News Edit
Recent news has proven that shoes are not good projectiles. Regardless of which enraged journalists are throwing them, the Greatest President Ever always manages to duck or dodge them. Of course, The Artful Dodger is also adept at evasion of projectile footwear.