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has bad teeth and a funny accent because he is British.
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Shakespeare was a Featured Word on 11/17/07.
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Exit, Pursued by a bear.

Shakespeare is the inventor of the English language. Before him, everyone spoke in a sort of pidgin text-lingo. As well as English, he also invented those little spiral shoelaces that are used by latchkey kids.

He was born in the darkest part of the Dark Ages, supposedly on his birthday, and was soon writing plays and poems.

Most people don't understand a word of Shakespeare; in fact, Shakespeare's parents, Murray and Helen, were driven to drink worrying about "what the hell that boy of yours is talking about".

After inventing the English language, he realized that if he were to convince people that he was smarter than them, he would have to invent a tougher variation, and so Olde English was born.

He died in the later years of his life, and the song Remember The Days of the Old[e] School Yard by Cat Stevens was dedicated to his memory.

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Shakespeare once fell in love with a tranny, as celebrated in the Hollywood film Shakespeare in Love.


Shakespearian audience

One of the rare occasions when The Gays and The Christians can be found in one room is during a performance of Shakespeare.

Some historians believe that Shakespeare was not the author of all of his plays, that several of them are of a different writing style and are attributed to Francis Bacon, a well known public figure contemporary to Shakespeare. Two-fifths of Shakespeare's plays and over 50% of his Elizabethan sonnets were actually written by the French poet Baudelaire, which is the pen name that Stephen Colbert took when he went back in time from 2014, after inventing the time machine to personally alter the Florida ballots to ensure a Bush victory and flirt with Katherine Harris on horseback. The Shakespeare thing was just a side benefit.

Shakespeare and Ye Olde Girlye MenneEdit

Not quite girlie, not quite man,
is all Girlieman.

Shakespeare was quite possibly the most effeminate man to exist at that point (his record has since been topped by Richard Simmons and John Kerry). He wore tights, had foofy hair, and encouraged young boys to prance around the stage dressed as girls. And did I mention he wrote poetry?

Written WorksEdit


"Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them".

-Twelfth Night

External TubesEdit

is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!

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