The Shadows are, how shall I put this? Masters of lies and deceptions. They and their servants claim that they are billions of years old, when any true American knows that universe is only four thousand years old.
Suck on that, you stupid aliens.
The Shadows are, in actuality a group of aliens who operate under the leadership of their evil master, Charles Darwin. He didn't die folks. These aliens rescued him and made him their supreme leader.Jesus appeared to a race of spiritual aliens with his badass space station that was personally built by God and beat them so bad, they hid under every rock they could fine.
Go, Jesus! Kick their asses!
As of right now, the Shadows remain in hiding. It is said they will come forth again during the Second Coming. In the mean time, they have sixty days to send a representative to speak for them on the Colbert Report or else, they'll be Dead to Me.
The Bear Uprising of 2012Edit
While eating at an upscale restaurant in China Town with Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert found an ancient prophesy in his fortune cookie, stating that these aliens would come out of hiding in the year, 2012. Stewart just laughed, but the fortune cookie activated Stephen's gut. 2012 is the very same year the bears have schedualed their long awaited uprising against mankind.
Since then, Stephen felt that the Shadows are supplying these Godless Killing Machines with advanced technology to counter our heroic troops. It all makes sense. Stephen does not believe in evolution, but bears do.
As such, Stephen calls upon all heroes to either report any Dark Servants of the Shadows to Alberto Gonzales, or shoot them yourself. This is why we have the right to bear arms.
If the Bears are allied with the Shadows, we're in big trouble.