Separation of Church and State
makes the Baby Jesus cry,
and should be treated with caution contempt!

As everyone well knows, the United States of America was carefully crafted under the watchful eyes of our Founding Fathers and Jesus. The United States was founded as a Christian Nation, so much so that even our currency has God's approval engraved on it[1]. Still there are some Historical Revisionazis out there who insist that, this is not only isn't true, but that The Baby Jesus should be ripped away and omitted from the Constitution like Dick Cheney's emails from the White House archive.


Need any more proof?

The Separation of Church and State MythEdit

Historical Revisionazis like the terrorist group Freedom From Religion (Frauds), and other dried-up, bitter, Jesus-hating prunes out there who have nothing better to do then create fanciful lies to further their gay agenda.

Historical "Evidence"Edit

Revisionazis will claim that their "proof" is in the First Amendment. However, the First Amendment guarantees the freedom of speech,[2] and nothing about about keeping Jesus out of the USA. In addition, revisionazis will point to the Treaty of Tripoli as proof in writing of not being a Christian Nation.

They claim that part of the Treaty of Tripoli states "As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion..."

First off, Where the heck is Tripoli? In Africa? Africa doesn't even exist. Second of all, even if Tripoli did exist, and US foreign policy being that we don't negotiate with terrorists, any "treaty" we signed with them would be a dirty trick on our part to fool those Mudslimes.

In ConclusionEdit

A question that best illustrates Jesus as the cornerstone of our country is, why is it that all 50 presidents have been Christian? There has never been (and never will be) a Jewish, Muslim[3], or Mormon[4] President. God has ensured that each and every president since the beginning of time loves Jesus, otherwise he would have striked them down in some miraculous method. Similar to the way God did to atheist Al Gore in the 2000 Election.

The TruthEdit

Before World War ZerothEdit

Long before America was created, and shortly after American Christopher Columbus[5] was the first person to step foot on North America, God established his intent of a new Christian Nation.


The pristine USS Mayflower approaching Plymouth, SC.

Shortly after the Black Death, a.k.a. The Plague, a.k.a. the Protestant Reformation, refuges and followers of The One True Church left Europe for America. The glorious vessel the USS Mayflower, transported these Pilgrims to their new (Roman-Catholic) Christian Nation.

After first distributing small-pox blankets to the natives, the first order of business was crafting a document to which they would use to govern the new colony, and establish it as a land of Jesus. This Jesus-friendly document was called "The Mayflower Compact". It was signed by all white, males in the colony- all 41 of them.

Key Points of the Mayflower CompactEdit

  • All people who step foot on (or be born in) America must be members of the Catholic Church.
  • All other "religions" are to be considered cults, and their members cultists.
  • Establishing Baseball as America's Pastime.
  • Foreseeing the need for dungeons for acting on supressed sexual sadism torture in anticipate of the upcoming witch epidemic.[6]

The Constitution and BeyondEdit

Jesus ghostwrote The Constitution under the alias of "Thomas Jefferson". If you look it up in a book it will tell you that this Thomas Jefferson is often assumed to be the same person who was our third president. However the (non-messianic) Thomas Jefferson was not even present for the drafting of the constitution. He was too busy banging Sally Hemings to attend. [7]

If these Revisionazis knew anything about the Ten Commandments, they would realize that all of these Commandments are uncoincidentally U.S. law (the real Ten Commandments, not the Jewish or Islamic versions). One could see these ten holy rules as framework of all the laws of our land. This friendship started when The Commandments were handed directly from Moses to George Washington at the beginning of time.


"Thomas Jefferson" signing the Declaration of Independence

In fact today, the State and Church are such good bed buddies bedfellows, that along with the equally amiable mega-corporations, they pay absolutely no taxes at all!

The Pledge Of AllegianceEdit

Once a proud staple for school children for thousands of years, has all but been wiped out in our public schools. Once again Godless filth such as the ACLU has successfully removed another gift of Jesus from us.

"I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic
for which it stands, one Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."

Some bear-lovers claim that "one Nation under God" was added in 1954, but they would be wrong. It was added as Jesus was originally writing the Pledge to begin with.

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

Did you know that Jesus is mentioned 1,248 times in the Constitution?

The Christian AmendmentEdit

The Christian Amendments were attempts[8] by heroic Real Americans to add write even MORE about Jesus in our Constitution. Once such version read like this:

"We the people of the United States, humbly acknowledging Almighty God as the source of all
authority and power in civil government, the Lord Jesus Christ as the Governor among the nations,
and His revealed will as of supreme authority, in order to constitute a Christian government, to form
a more perfect union, ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America."

During the wake of the Civil War, President of the United States, and founder of the Bear Hunters of America, Abraham Lincoln personally petitioned Congress to add these amendments to the Constitution. Congress deliberated and agreed that adding anymore mentions of Jesus to the document would be overkill.

What If Church And State Were Separate?Edit

Similar to A World Without Stephen Colbert, such a world is almost unimaginable. Because it is so unthinkable, it is hard for one to speculate the reprocusions such an unearthly (or un-America's Planetly) and unnatural state.

The Union of Soviet Socialist StatesEdit

Without the help of The Baby Jesus glorious heros such as Ronald Reagan would have been unable to not only defeat the Soviet Union, but keep the commie, liberal elitists in the USA at bay.

True as torture, the United States as we know it today would not exist. We would rather be ruled by the Bolsheviks under the leadership of Premiere Dennis Kucinich[10] and be known as the U.S.S.S..

Our PresidentEdit

In an alternate universe where Church and State were seperate, instead of having the Greatest President Ever, he would be considered one of the worst Presidents ever. Instead of a hero in George W. Bush, we would have an anti-hero (or near anti-Christ figure) named George M. Bush.

This George M. Bush would not be known for his oratory skill like our real President, but would rather be one who stumbles over his words. He would not be known for his incredible intellect, but rather his borderline retardation. Nor would he would not have captured Al-Qaeda leader Saddam Hussein, but rather Suddam would still be hiding out in the mountains of Afghanistan.

Other Possible ConsequencesEdit

  • God would abandon us, leaving the country to recede into the ocean much like Atlantis (and soon to be California).
  • The country would have zero population growth due to the overabundance of homosexuals and baby eating gypsies.
  • Bears would overrun the country, and shortly thereafter, the world.
  • Sodomy would be the most practiced religion in the US.
  • The President (or Premiere) will be sworn in on the Crayon.
  • Terrorists win.

Abandon Truthiness All Ye Who Enter This Internets Tube!
"Separation of Church and State"
discusses one of the Liberal's Ridiculous Theories and Notions.


  1. To the right of the Illuminati symbols.
  2. And a bunch of other gobbly-gook that no one cares about.
  3. Sorry Obama
  4. Sorry Romney
  5. Christopher Columbus was given honorary US citizenship.
  6. If only we could find a way to take Hillary Clinton back in time.
  7. This would be funny if you had any idea who she was.
  8. 1863, 1874, 1896, 1910, 1954, and 1962
  10. One of the few scenarios in which Kucinich would be the leader of any country.

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