Abandon Truthiness All Ye Who Enter This Internets Tube!
"Secondhand Smoking Hoax"
discusses one of the Liberal's Ridiculous Theories and Notions.
Secondhand Smoking Hoax
is science-related, sending it straight to hell.
Construction Worker lego

This page is

Please do not edit.

The Secondhand Smoking Hoax was the Global Warming Hoax of the 20th Century. As a result of this witch hunt, smokers around the world are now stripped of their smoking rights. No longer do smokers enjoy the right to take a break from their stressful lives with a calming cigarette or two, because smoking is banned everywhere.

25px-DramaticExclamationPoi All You Need To Know...

Hitler was against smoking!

Origin of the MythEdit

While it may be hard enough to accept the idea that smoking tobacco itself is harmful (the only side effect I know of is increased "coolness"), some groups such as the bacterially biased Centers for Disease Control, and the left-wing lobbiest group American Cancer Society (among others) have even gone so far to say that a person being in the same room as a smoker is unhealthy!

Claimed/Exaggerated EffectsEdit

QuoteOpenGray1   Some women would prefer having smaller babies.   QuoteCloseGray1
~ Joseph Cullman III, Chairman of the Board of Philip Morris, 1971
  • Addictive - Some claim that cigarettes are highly addictive, but yet you hear stories of people quitting all the time. (Dungeons & Dragons, now that's addictive.) If this was true, wouldn't anyone who has ever accidentally breathed in cigarette smoke would instantly become a chain smoker.
  • Causes Cancer - "Limp Lungers" will tell you that breathing smooth, refreshing tobacco smoke secondhandidly will cause various cancers, including in the lungs and throat. What they wont tell you is that everything has been scientifically proven to cause cancer. These include using cell phones, eating chocolate, drinking alcohol, having breasts, having testicles, brushing your teeth, preventing fires using asbestos, or taking thousands of daily x-rays of your skull. They will all cause cancer.
  • Bad Odor - Another falsehood. People who have been smoking for a while claim that they can't smell (or taste) anything, let alone cigarette smoke on others. If anything the smoke will provide a pleasant odor to those around him/ do you think incense sticks work?
  • Causes AIDS - As if the previous claimed effects were not crazy enough, anti-tobacco activists will tell you that secondhand smoking causes AIDS! I don't know their logic with this one. Probably AIDS is given to secondhand smokers by a gay kissing them or something.

Secondhand Smoke KillsEdit

QuoteOpenGray1   I'm unclear in my own mind whether anyone dies of cigarette smoking-related diseases.   QuoteCloseGray1
~ Geoffrey Bible, Chairman of Philip Morris, 1998

Because of the trumped-up effects listed above, weak-lungers will tell you that secondhand smoke kills 3000 non-smoking adults each year. 3000? Only 3000?!? Lots of things kill 3000 people in one year, maybe we should ban all of them. Ok, we can stop driving cars, motorcycles, and boats. No more walking up stairs or on slippery floors. And we better make all our food in paste form, because we can't eat anything that we could choke on. But we have to eat it cold, because fires are no longer allowed.

No more suicide, we won't be able to do that any longer, especially with firearms. Say good-bye to all your Poison records, because apparently that rock band kills around 4,000 people a year! Lastly, we can even kill off all the bears....Wait, never mind. Ban smoking, just take the bears with you!

Media HysteriaEdit

QuoteOpenGray1   The anti-smoking forces are out to bury us.   QuoteCloseGray1
~ Philip Morris researcher Thomas Osdene, 1982

Once the Liberal media caught smoke wind of this, a media blitz of unprecidented fervor was launched against both tobacco companies and individual smokers.

From the start, these anti-tobacco peaceniks number one goal is to stop people from smoking and destroy the pro-American Tobacco Industry.

The Second ProhibitionEdit

Suddenly the harassment of smokers was now not only legal, but encouraged. Smokers everywhere were suddenly under seige just for enjoying the simple pleasure that their relaxing and empowering tobacco products brought them.

Believe it or not, the notion of such a cigarette crackdown did not originate in America, but rather this freedom hating idea came from a place where you would expect such a thing...That's right, Nazi Germany!!!

Before Hitler moved onto more time involved hobbies such as the Holocaust, err...I mean killing Jews, no, let's say providing a total and "final solutions" to " certain questions", he too was an avid smoker. But he too began to believe the lies of the anti-tobacco left, later saying "so many excellent men have been lost to tobacco poisoning".

From there Hitler and his anti-smoking henchment went on to eliminate smoking initially in Post offices and in the Airforce. This dark cloud then expanded to bans in places like libraries, public offices, trains, bomb shelters, and even in Hospitals! Simply put, if you support the Anti-tobacco Movement, you support the Nazis.

The Truth About Secondhand SmokingEdit

QuoteOpenGray1   What do you think smokers would do if they didn't smoke? You get pleasure from it, and you get some other beneficial things, such as relief. Maybe you'd beat your wife.   QuoteCloseGray1
~ Geoffrey C. Bible, CEO and Chairman of Philip Morris, 1998
Have a fag!


Who better to tell us about the dangers (if any) of secondhand smoke that the cigarette makers themselves? That seems the most fair thing to do, because one would think that they would have the most knowledge about their product. Let's see what they have to say about secondhand smoking...

Smoking + Ban = RecessionEdit

QuoteOpenGray1   Smoking bans are the biggest challenge we have ever faced. Quit rate goes frm 5% to 21% when smokers work in nonsmoking environments."   QuoteCloseGray1
~ A 1994 Phillip Morris document exposing a 16% increase in good workers quiting their jobs as a result of a smoking ban.

The following cities/states have enacted smoking bans in the last year. So either employees can breath in the sophisticated aroma of cigarette smoke, or lose their jobs because all the smokers took their business to a place with a less Stalinistic environment.

The Health Benefits Of SmokingEdit

helps maintain a slim figure for the smoker and those around him.

The Tobacco Industry Employs MillionsEdit

Helps people in 3rd world and developing countries.

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit


It seems the only "safe" place in any given city for smokers to enjoy their smooth, relaxing, and refreshing cigarettes are behind the gymnasium at the Junior High.

Smokers who smoking cigarettes help pave roads and build schools by providing tax revenue.

The liberal Factonista will tell you that secondhand smoke kills tens of thousands of people each year, but how do they account for the hundreds of thousands of people on earth who have never breathed in aromatic tobacco smoke who also die each year?

Heartland and Cato Institutes.

Other reasons for smoking, besides nicotine delivery, include habituation, attachment, personality, culture and genetics.

as an aid to vigilance, rapid information processing and memory doing nothing while doing something a communication tool a sexually alluring act a sign of rebelliousness something to do with your hands an oral gratification device a taste experience and other sensory stimulation at back of throat, windpipe and lungs a persona statement of image - based on the culture, it is positive or negative a sign of a risk taker predisposed in people by genetics


All here:

"If children don't like to be in a smoky room, they'll leave." When asked by a shareholder about infants, who can't leave a smoky room, Harper stated, "At some point, they begin to crawl." Carrig, David, "RJR Wins Fight", USA Today: B1, April 18, 1996

  • "We accept an interest in people's health as a basic responsibility, paramount to every other consideration in our business. We believe the products we make are not injurious to health. We always have and always will cooperate closely with those whose task it is to safeguard the public health."
QuoteOpenGray1   We don't know if cigarette smoke causes lung cancer, nobody does. But, as an industry, we've spent more than any non-governmental agency trying to find out, more than the American Cancer Society and Lung Association combined.   QuoteCloseGray1
~ Horace Kornegay, Executive Director of the Tobacco Institute. 1982

more info on kornegay:

  • "Statistical association does not prove cause and effect"

1958 comment by Clarence Little, in response to the Dorn study on the mortality rates of smokers who as veterans had bought life insurance from the U.S. government

  • "An excessive quantity of tomato juice would have done that, as I recall . . . "

August 19, 1997. American Tobacco Co. CEO Donald Johnston on Wynder's 1953 study in which tobacco tars, painted on the backs of mice, produced tumors in 44% of the animals.

  • "I'm unclear in my own mind whether anyone dies of cigarette smoking-related diseases."

Geoffrey Bible, Chairman of Philip Morris, 1998

  • We don't advertise to children... First of all, we don't want young people to smoke."

RJ Reynolds 1984


Great tasting, chic, flavorful, aromatic, character defining, satisfying, besotting, tasty, cool, energizing

No smoking comrade
Sturgeon General
Cigarette Butt Bird Nest

Cigarette smoking is even helpful to wildlife!


Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.