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Scrumpy

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Union-jack
Strawberries
Scrumpy
has bad teeth and a funny accent because it is British.


A homebrew, West Country British cider, often classifed as "Rough". It is one of the best ways to get high in the West country of England-if you forget your Xanax. Scrumpy contains pschedelic alkaloids that cause singing and foolish behavior. It gives the drinker great strength, and is best consumed over Bank Holiday weekends, as the hangovers tend to icapacitate one. One of the best ways to piss off the British is too tell them you thought Stonehenge was super big, that their accents aren't all that hard to suss and that you just came for the Cider.

The Scrumpy Homeland consists of the regions of:

  • Somerset
  • Shropshire
  • Devon
  • Cornwall
  • Glousctershire
  • Basse-Normandie (yeah, it's in France, but Norman France. And they won England in the Great Poker Game of 1066).

The British are drunk all of the time and they have deluded themselves into the belief that this type of Cider is an Antibotic. The Welsh put it in their childrens' bottles.

Scrumpy is best consumed whilst listening to "Mangel Wurzel," which sounds like an untuned Hurdy Gurdy, eating a Worcestershire sauce-infested badger, whilst being beaten by a Doc Marten wrapped in a bagpipe. Clearly, it is not for the uninitiated, but True Believers will find their backpacks heavier at Heathrow, as they sneak out of England with this contraband.

Don't bother trying to have it shipped here, when your drunk ass runs out. The FDA simply won't green light it's export. They'd rather we took our Xanax.

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