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Science is the old version of everything that we thought was true. Some of it was proven, but most of it was a figment of Stephen Hawking's brain. In the 1990's, people began to realize that brain thinking was getting results that supported the terrorists, thus thinking by feeling and the new science of the gut emerged.
The findings of science can change over time; the findings of your gut never have to. At one point in time, science dictated the Earth was flat and that the Sun revolved around it. Science decided to change its mind because like a woman, it has its own prerogatives. Science may seem appealing at first glance, what with its ability to provide us with internets tubes, but it also tries to make us dumb by telling us that donuts are spheres (See: Poincare conjecture).
Now, thanks to the love of the baby Jesus and true patriots everywhere, Intelligent Design has come to be agreed upon by 11 out of 10 scientists as being the best science with a whole new dimension of truthiness to accommodate thinking with your gut.
As the famous saying goes 'any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic'. Since God is the only one who is authorized to use magic, technology should be regulated by religion. This successfully explains why most technology is used for creating war, which God obviously endorses - after all, George Bush said God told him to go to war with Iraq numerous times. But sometimes science goes too far far and it is used to create violent video games.
Scientific Facts Edit
- The earth was created 6,000 years ago
- Water freezes at 50 degrees Fahrenheit not 32, the Bible says so.
- Thomas Edison invented science when he created the light bulb
- The number of elephants in the world tripled in the summer of 2006
- That feeling you get when you know you've done something wrong is the Holy Spirit.
- Stephen Colbert's opinions are scientific facts.
- Stephen Hawking is a paid member of the liberal agenda
- Rainbows are God's promise to never flood the Earth again
- Newton stole ideas from America's God as do all people of science today.
- All scientists are atheist liberals who want to clone sheep to have sex with them.
- Science is a evil idea that was unleashed to the world by Karl Marx after Edison light shown.
Chuck Norriscreated the universe and existed before God did.
- Carl Sagen is a astrologer not a astronomer.
- Stephen Hawking is actually Stephen Colbert's evil unidentical unrelated twin.
- Einstein was in fact a Nazi not a Jew.
- All scientist gay marry when they get their degrees.
- Dinosaurs are lies made by the Devil to test Christians faith in God.
- Scientology is actually the liberal agenda in action.
- The universe does in fact have a heliocentric rotation on earth, but only because Stephen Colbert is on earth.
- The earth is hollow, because that's where the devil lives.
- Stephen Colbert gave Einstein all his ideas, because he felt bad for the Nazi.
Scientific Frauds/Misrepresentations Edit
- Big Bang
- Carbon Dating
- Plausability of the Scientific Method
- Objective Reasoning
- Myth of Gravity
- Global Warming
- heliocentricity, that is the earth revolves around the sun
- the earth is not flat
- the moon landing
Disputes Science Cannot ExplainEdit
External Tubes: Liberal Franken-Science EditionEdit
- How to clone an army of gay liberals
- Nerds on Parade
- Liburals develop a cancer mutant mice
- Sick Science grows tooth in eyes!
- Texas brings evidence that science is evil
- Science creates Super HIV to kill us all!!!!
- Science discovers the man-woman gene. named "Ranma 1/2" Gene
- Science invades The Colbert Report
- Evil science finds way to manipulate elections
- Evil Science does it again
- The MacBurger 2.0
- Science discovers Magic!
- Science supports tea bagging
- Community of virgin nerds experiences global orgasm!
- Europe embraces the wisdom of the Republican Party: Science is bad for the economy
- Monarch Butterflies invent medicine
- Science to destroy cattle industry and disaster capitalism
- Mythbusters: a libural agenda?
- Storage energy is a hippie myth
- Mutant Rats to fight for Freedom
- Horror: Immortal Mice to take over the world
- Science threatens the Holy Bible!
- Dr. Who wins Nobel Prize
- Eight year olds tempted by science
- Little Girl becomes Galactic Overlord
- How Science is killing our minds
- New Mexico now under attack!
- Science continues evil plot of corruption
- New evidence that libural science is joowish science!
- What good has science ever done, anyway?
- Science breaks speed of light, will be imprisoned for law breaking
- Science plots to kill our parents
- Real American uses Jesus-Science, it works!
- mouse rules the world!