Sam has represented this Godly portion of Missouri for 8 years. And never once during those 8 years has he ever set foot in an airport bathroom with another man.
- Sam is not gay
- Sam has never taken his clothes off in front of another man--ever
- Sam grows brush in his congressional office in Washington so he can clear it like The Greatest President Ever
- Sam has a wife and some kids; he'd have more wives to prove his virility, but he's not a freak like some people
Lots of people like Sam! People who don't even know Sam want to send him money! So many, in fact, that The Greatest Vice President Ever volunteered to collect money for Sam when he visited him in 2007!
Everybody loves Sam!
Except gay people.
Gay people do not like Sam, and he doesn't like them either. Not that he knows any.
Sam does not know any gay people.
Sam's Stance Against GaynessEdit
No one is a bigger man than Sam, which is very ungay. Sam has a wife whose last name is Hicock. Again, very ungay. Sam is a Baptist. There is no other religious less gay than the Baptists. When Sam was a boy he was an Eagle Scout, which is just another way of saying, "Look at all the colorful ribbons on my ungay, manly sash."
All these things add up to a manly man who is not gay.
Where do these rumours get started?
|This article is a stub of a Congressperson who does not have the balls to be on "The Colbert Report".|
Until Sam Graves gets the balls to get nailed by Stephen, help America "Better Know" Sam Graves by onto this page.