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Its mission: To explore strange new orifices. To seek out
ypung boysevil aliens. To boldly go trolling for more men than ever before.
The S.S. Space Yacht was commissioned during the mid-1960s by $cientology overlord L. Ron Hubbard.
After having made boatloads of money and converting the majority of Hollywood actors to $cientology, Hubbard retired to the lead space vessel in the $cientology fleet, the SS Space Yacht. Initially, the primary purpose of this vessel was to find
young boys people to convert to $cientology. Hubbard decided to instead use the ship to evade paying taxes hunt down Xenu, one of the original scumdogs of the universe.
Today, the S.S. Space Yacht is used for $cientology business and pleasure alike. When not utilizing the ship to
lure bribe force kidnap seduse encourage new recruits to join $cientology, the S.S. Space Yacht may be on any number of secret missions to indulge in Thailand's red-light / ping pong ball activities fight the forces of Xenu.
Motivation and SpeedEdit
Because so many Hollywood liberals are involved in $cientology, it should come as little suprise that the S.S. Space Yacht was designed under the mistaken presumption that Global Warming exists. To avoid negatively impacting the so-called "environment," the S.S. Space Yacht was engineered as a "green vehicle." Rather than utilizing an oil burning engine, the S.S. Space Yacht is purportedly powered by a "super sexy" group of oiled-up male galley slaves.
To achieve even greater speeds, for example when chasing an alien, the $cientologists aboard the SS Space Yacht practice a form of "dinghy sailing" whereby all of the crew members place their own "dinghies" outside the ship and "paddle" with them. Because the ship relies heavily on the use of men's "dinghies", it is said that being skilled with one's "dinghy" is the chief qualification to join the crew of the S.S. Space Yacht.
Tracking and MappingEdit
The S.S. Space Yacht is a technological tourdeforce. Equipped with the newest in Gaydar technology, for example, the S.S. Space Yacht is sure to stay on course and find its
butt end hole in one target.
Amenities and CrewEdit
Below decks you will find the crew's berth, or sleeping quarters. There is only one hammock (for "space" reasons). Also in the forward compartment below decks is the galley, where all the "food" is "prepared" by the sweaty cook, Maurice. In the aft compartment, you will find the "engine room" and the hard-working robust crew making sure the "ship" completes its "journey".
This is where the Captain and his First Mate work up a sweat piloting the S. S. Space Yacht through the galaxies. A navigator insures it flies a
just think about it for a second....
- Tom Cruise is the Master
CockCoxswain on the S.S. Space Yacht.
- Kirstie Alley volunteered to serve as a deep
seaspace anchor on the S.S. Space Yacht but was turned down due to the ship's prohibition on female passengers and female crew members. Also, her ludicrously large frame would have stressed the ship's hull beyond its ability to sustain structural integrity.