Roy Ashburn
was a United States Senator
for the state of California, but has since "retired".
Roy Ashburn
is a Beautiful Republican
God Bless America
Despite what you may have heard
Roy Ashburn
Is totally not gay!

Roy Ashburn is one of the truest, most reliable conservatives in the California State Senate, and is well known for his firm, hard, occasionally throbbing stand on Family Values. As a member of God's Chosen Political Party, he helped lead our nation's defense against the gay agenda, personally doing battle with these perverts close up, man-to-man, sticking it to them even when it got rough. God Bless America!

The SenatorEdit

Senator Ashburn is also well-known for his hospitality; he has many times been seen escorting one of his buddies to his house, helping him leave a gay bar and thus save his soul. Now, sure, he had a few drinks, but who wouldn't need a little relief after being confronted by such wanton perversity? After a silly little misunderstanding with a traffic cop, the Senator was booked hailed far and wide for his efforts as a Good Samaritan. Ever bashful of the spotlight, he has decided to take some time off to spend more time with his family.

Teh Gays, Lesbos, Queers, and HomosEdit

As part of a covert operation to capture and export gays to from California to Mexico, Ashburn recently stated publicly that he's gay.

His War on Drugs and Drunk DrivingEdit

To make his fake admission of homosexuality believable, the Senator also had employed the help of officers of the law and government vehicles to pretend he was driving drunk with a gay. According to a secret briefing, he will soon spend quality time with male members of Alcoholics Anonymous to make sure it hasn't been infiltrated by bears.

See AlsoEdit

Internets SourcesEdit

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.