Ronald Ernest Paul (or Dr. Congressman Mr. Ron Paul as Dr. Colbert calls himEpisode #444 ) is a strange little man and the only person on earth who scares Stephen Colbert — not because he's manlier, but because he makes no damn sense.
Congressman Paul's nomination began on March 12, 2007, when he crawled out of the hole in a tree he calls home and announced to C-SPAN he would be running for President.
In keeping with his "Republican" views, his campaign strategy has been highly unorthodox. Where other candidates flirted with new media such as MySpace and FaceBook, Dr. Paul dove in headlong by courting active voters on World of Warcraft. It's believed this tactic gained him an impressive 7 extra votes during the primaries.
He also founded a grass-roots movement to get him selected as the Republican nominee. But apparently many Republicans don't realize they should really be Libertarians.
- "They attack us because we've been over there. We've been bombing Iraq for ten years. We've been in the Middle East. I think Reagan was right. We don't understand the irrationality of Middle Eastern politics. Right now, we're building an embassy in Iraq that is bigger than the Vatican. We're building fourteen permanent bases. What would we say here if China was doing this in our country or in the Gulf of Mexico? We would be objecting... I'm suggesting that we listen to the people who attacked us and the reason they did it, and they are delighted that we're over there because Osama bin Laden has said, 'I am glad you're over on our sand because we can target you so much easier.' They have already now, since that time, have killed 3,400 of our men, and I don't think it was necessary."
- "That's an extraordinary statement, as someone who lived through the attack of September 11, that we invited the attack because we were attacking Iraq... I would ask the congressman to withdraw that comment and tell us that he didn't really mean that."
Paul refused and continued to babble on about the CIA and something called "blowback". Sounds like someone's been watching a few too many gay pornos. But shame on you, Mr. Dr. Paul - if that really is your real name - for trying to muddle up the War on Terror and confuse Americans with your fact-based reality. The terrorists attacked us because they hate our freedom and they are evil incarnate, and we are fighting them over there so we don't have to fight them over here. Case closed.
"Global temperatures have been warming since the Little Ice Age. Studies within the respectable scientific community have shown that human beings are most likely a part of this process. As a Congressman, I’ve done a number of things to support environmentally friendly policies. I have been active in the Green Scissors campaign to cut environmentally harmful spending, I’ve opposed foreign wars for oil, and I’ve spoken out against government programs that encourage development in environmentally sensitive areas, such as flood insurance."
- "When it comes to international [global warming], the first thing is, we overdo some of the statistics and some of the reports about global warming, because there's two sides to that argument... You, you, you deserve it to yourself to read both sides of that argument... I don't have the final answer, but I tend to think it's overblown, I tend to think it's overblown, but I also think if there's man-made pollution it might be in China, and I know that I'm not willing to attack you or send troops over there to close down the plants..."
In this matter, Ron Paul could not have been more right! The mainstream Inquisition of "climate scientists", with their Fact-Hugging Scientific Methodology, are persecuting all brave Galileos and trying to hide the truth that global warming is a myth! We must redo the science until it is free from the taint of liberal bias!
Ron Paul Debates EconomistsEdit
John Keynes: "An economy in a liquidity trap is largely unaffected monetary policy."
Paul: "Increase in money supply=inflation."
Keynes: "In the US from 2008-2011, the monetary base has tripled. Yet the prices have remained nearly constant."
Paul: "UNCONSTITUTIONAL! Shut up with your facts, my knowledge comes from the gut."
WINNER: Ron Paul
Milton Friedman: "Money supply should be increased or decreased to bring about a target inflation rate."
Paul: "Increase in money supply=inflation. A gold standard will bring about zero inflation."
Friedmand: "Population and economic activity are likely to increase faster than the rate of gold mining. The gold standard would lead to deflation and reduced liquidity."
Paul: "UNCONSTITUTIONAL! My knowledge comes from my gut."
WINNER: Ron Paul
Friedrich Hayek: "There is no reason why, in a society which has reached the general level of wealth ours has, the first kind of security should not be guaranteed to all without endangering general freedom; that is: some minimum of food, shelter and clothing, sufficient to preserve health.(actual quote)"
Paul: "SOCIALISM! Free markets are always better."
WINNER: Ron Paul
In 1937, Paul argued that using hydrogen in zeppelins could cause them to explode.Episode #347 Ludicrous.
Other historical Paul delusions possibly include his 1812 admonishment that the Napoleonic invasion of Russia would prove disastrous for the French, his 1860 proclamation that the Southern states would secede from the Union and attack Fort Sumter, and his 1986 warning that the Space Shuttle Challenger would disintegrate shortly after launch. The man is clearly a lunatic.
- Despite obvious name and appearance similarities, Ron Paul is not related to RuPaul!
- Like Dennis Kucinich,  Ron Paul always carries a copy of the Communist Manifesto in his pocket.
- If ever elected president, Ron Paul would sell our national parks (a good thing since we could thereafter kill all the bears that had been hiding in them).
- After Ron Paul failed to be nominated in Nevada the most libertarian state in the union not only did his supporters say he was still going to win some started saying he had won.
- Ordered his supporters to find Sean Hannity and "have a word with him". Which they did, chasing Hannity down the street to his hotel while in New Hampshire for the primaries.
- Ron Paul has no interest in being a write-in candidate yet Paultards are still saying we should write him in.
- Ron Paul has been called a "crazy old man", but we know he's not crazy, just really old.
- Ron Paul will not compromise his principle, ever.
- Ron Paul supports terrorism.
- Some people believe that Ron Paul is not too fond of black people. This is impossible; he has a black friend, See photographic evidence below.
- 9/11 never happened because Ron Paul says so.
Facing the DoctorEdit
It is dissent from government policies that defines the true patriot and champion of liberty.
He is an enigma wrapped in a riddle nestled inside a sesame seed bun of mystery.
Believes Alberto Gonzales is wrong
Stephen would rather be alive than free and dead.
Stephen is a small goverment guy unless the President wants to do something.
Agencies Representative Paul wants to get rid of: Education, Homeland Security, Energy, IRS, FEMA, The U.N., NATO, NAFTA, WTO, and the Interstate Commerce Commission, but this pinko commie has a soft spot for UNICEF.
A Statement from Ron Paul's Rational SupportersEdit
Everyone knows the media are ignoring The Great Dr. Paul, just look around you! Can you not see how the media are ignoring him!?
Can it be more obvious!? This is not funny! There is nothing funny than ignoring the one man who can save us all!
Look at the facts:
- There is fake media in the form of MSNBC, CBS, ABC, FOX, PBS, CW, the Anime Network, Nickelodeon, and the Weather channel.
- Railing against a group of people is not actually changing anything.
- Bush and Cheney are still in power.
- George Tenet still has his little Presidential Medal of Freedom for lying us into Iraq.
- Nobody has been held accountable for taking our country to war.
- Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, Rudy Giuliani, and John McCain have all expressed their desire to take our nation to war against Iran and the entire rest of the world.
- We still don't know who shorted the airline industry and several insurance companies just before 9/11.
- The dollar has devalued to 1/3rd of its value against gold in just 6 years.
Wait, where are you going? LISTEN TO ME! Oh, that's it, man... I'm going to make the angriest Youtube video ever!
Ron Paul's Rational Supporters
c/o our parents' basements just temporarily, until the revolution comes and then you'll see!
September 4, 2008 NailingEdit
- a former Republican candidate who was not invited to speak at the convention, Dr. Colbert will ask him how he would have mocked Obama's service
- book: The Revolution
- Dr. Congressman Mr. Ron Paul
- may have a better chance in 2009
- was stealing thunder from the RNC
- Hurricane Paul
- he would have had to given up everything he believes to play with the big boys
- Republicans are known for their discipline
- this is a war
- didn't feel too bad about not being invited
- raised serious cash
- believes in Liberty
- doesn't believe the government should have gone in to help Gustav
- they try to take your gun as you try to shoot the flood
- Ron Paul for 2012
- Ron Paul Healthcare
- Washington Post profile
- Ron Paul exploratory committee
- Ron Paul at Campaigns Wikia
- Bible-like Letters
- Ron Paul's record in Congress
- Khan Paul 2008 (his long distant cousin, they are estranged)
- Ron Paul's brilliant plan to fix health care!
- Ron Paul declares to be a socialist
- Ron Paul joins the hippies in a bong feast
- Welfare Queens are stealing our Health Care!
- Rand Paul (aka Mini-me) Wins Big! Welfare Queens on the Run!
- Rand Paul to fight undesirables
- Mini-me gets support from Maveratrix
- Rand Paul uncovers the Truthiness
- Ron Paul praises local black man's truthiness
- Shocking News: Hell Experiencing its First Ice Age!
- Ron Paul disowns failed clone
- Gold Vs Cash: There can only be One!
- Ron Paul betrays Tea Party, he is a sell out!
- Ron Paul supports Hemp Industry
- Ron Paul financial plan
- The many reasons why Real America loves Ron Paul
- Real American arrested for supporting the Constitution!!! The Tyranny starts now!
- Ron Paul loves the blacks too!
- Ron Paul wants the freedom to kill teh gey threat
- Is Ron Paul a Sekret Mooslim?
- The internet set to destroy Ron Paul with lies!
- Ron Paul to protect Freedom Rapes