Early Years Edit
They were formed in 1960 by Mick Jagger and Keith Richards (originally born Abraham Lincoln). They initially got no satisfaction from the music industry, primarily because the whole of Britain was infected with a neurological disease called "Beatle Mania".
After two years of frustration they sold their souls to Satan via an old gypsy woman. In return they were granted fame, fortune, women, and 1,000 years worth of life. What the Devil failed to tell them was that after 30 years they would shrivel up and resemble giant raisins with legs. Keith Richards, who had the juiciest soul of all, felt the worst of this effect.
- The Stones are environmentalists, and thus liberal. Some one should sue them for false advertising: we all know liberals don't have stones!
- Despite their name they do not roll. But changing their name now to the Shuffling Prehistoric Stones would probably harm their brand identity.
- Mick Jagger is the father of Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler. You can see it in the lips.
- In fact, he's the father of more than 2,000,000 children, all out of wedlock.
- They have Collectively slept with every woman between the ages of 17-85 in the United Kingdom.
- It is predicted that by the year 2070 3 in 8 people will be a descendent of one of The Rolling Stones
- Mick Jagger's tongue has cleaned more carpets than all the vacum cleaners in the world combined
- If you play Brown Sugar backward you will summon an angry and vengeful Oprah Winfrey.
- The Stones were behind the death of John Lennon. They gave him lazy hippy syndrome, and then introduced him to Yoko Ono, just to make sure.
- They have spread Aids and Spanish Muffin Rot to every town they have ever toured in.