"Roller bear"
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The Angolan Quad Bear


Mocking the dead, this bear has eaten a little girl, donned her bikini, and stolen her tricycle.

Motorized soulless killing machines, the roller bear is an agile sort of bear that strikes with little warning. There are several subspecies of roller bear; all are deadly. Capable of speeds up to 85 miles an hour down a steep grade, escape from a roller bear is challenging. Known effective methods include running up flights of stairs, fording a stream, and deploying land mines.

Roller bear's methods of obtaining their death machines are in varied ways. Most common of which is to find small children on their tricycles, steal the tricycle, then eat the child. By the end of the night the bears will have performed their pagan ritual to trap the child's soul within the tricycle making it even more unpleasant. Methods not commonly seen are the killing of shriners and using their skin to adorn their newly stolen go-carts or as roller bears refer to them skin-of-old-dirty-shriners-carts.They also enjoy long walks along the beach with their significant other and the occasional tea with crumpets.Not meaning to forget that the crumpets are made of the bone of mankind.

It has been rumored that a gang of roller bears have been roaming the woods of South Carolina. Sightings have been reported of the godless murderers near Columbia, eating a child in Little River, and admiring a fire that they started in Myrtle Beach. A drifter was found on the side of the road mauled to death, his final words were "roller bears". Shortly after passing away the creature unto which god crys upon murdered and ate the ambulance crew.

An incident has occurred down in the antarctic. An environmental research team had been working where from the mists of the snow dunes came the polar roller bears. A sight that has not yet been recorded. The recorder of the events had to scribble the record of the events with one of his feet for both his arms and his other legs had been torn off and eaten. These new roller bears have jumped their evolutionary line and begun riding snow mobiles. The research team didn't stand a chance. We can only pray that these godless killing machines are unable to reach their northern brethren and give them snow mobiles.

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