Former CIA director and Bush-family pal has been picked to replace Donald Rumsfeld. There is no word yet how quickly the Congress will confirm him before Satan's Wife can make the place smell like sulfur.
Armed Services Committee VoteEdit
When asked by the Committee if the United States is winning the war in Iraq, Gates answered "no." But he also said we are not losing the war in Iraq. So if we are not losing and we are not winning, we must be tying the war in Iraq, and since there are no ties in war, it stands to reason there is no war in Iraq. Mission Accomplished.
Gates was confirmed as Bush's new
bitch go-to-guy by a 95-to-2 Senate vote on December 6, 2006, a date which will live in neither infamy nor memory.
How To Outcrazy Donald RumsfeldEdit
Sec Def Designee Gates may not have the facial muscles required to pull off the exasperated sneer needed to do the job. So Stephen's advice to the incoming Secretary is simple: Send A Message. Show these other countries that you're not afraid to send them a one way ticket to the Stone Age via B-52mail. Just come right out and say:
I am batshit crazy and I will bomb your country into a glass ashtray.
Effect On The Bear UprisingEditObama chose to keep Robert Gates as Secretary of Defense. By doing this, eventually Gates will be Shot in the face by Dick Cheney. After this, Obama will choose Stephen Colbert as Secretary of Defense. Colbert will then use his political power to Challenge the Colbear To a final battle in the roman Colosseum. Colbert will then turn into his alter-ego The Rampaging Colbert and kill the Colbear once and for all.
Being an American Hero, Colbert will Easily win the 2016 Presidential Election, With Mike Huckabee as his Running mate, and as his first order of business,he will have all bears killed in order to make sure a bear uprising never happens again. and we will all live happily ever after.