Al Franken
Robert Byrd has earned
Robert Byrd
is a United States Senator
for the state of West Virginia
Despite what you may have heard
Robert Byrd
Is totally not racist!

When elected to his ninth six-year term, Byrd shouted "Yee! Huh?" and then fainted. (Lifting that heavy pinky ring was too much.)

Re-elected to 9th 6-year term. He really hates The Baby Jesus.


The old-fogey Senator carries around a copy of the Constitution the way Real Americans carry their Bibles

He is currently the longest serving Democrat in the Senate and, because of this, is the president pro tempore. In the event of death to both President Bush and Vice President Cheney, as well as Speaker Pelosi, Senator Byrd would assume the presidency, doling out taxes and quoting from his hip-pocket copy of the Constitution like an errant vending machine. This is not a comforting image.

Fogey Smack DownEdit

When younger Senators (and all of them are) get bored, they try to promote a tiff between Byrd and Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. They're both very old and very cranky and -- what makes it fun -- they don't seem to like each other very much. Senators place bets on which of the two will launch spittle with the longest trajectory before collapsing in exhaustion.

Sometimes called "Sheets" in reference to his days as a KKK Grand Kleagle, "Sheets" still enjoys a cross burning or two, but no longer uses matches himself, due to the uncontrollable shaking the excitement of the moment now provokes. Staffers man the matches now. A fitting tribute, and nothing white guys wouldn't do for other white guys.





Byrd at a KKK meeting wearing the suspicious unpatriotic pin

Byrd's hatred of America's flag manifests itself in his jewelry; he wears a pin depicting a piece of paper instead of a the flag so many who really love America wear on their lapels!

Why does he hate America!?

Influencing The Females In His Office To Get Jobs!Edit

Anne Barth, Senator Byrd's chief of staff, is now campaigning to steal West Virginia's Fightin' Second from an American!

There are only a few things people need to know about her to know why she doesn't deserve their vote:

  1. she's a chick
  2. she's running against a Republican.

See AlsoEdit

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