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|What an asshole.|
|What a douchebag.|
Rob Riggle is a decorated USMC Major noted for his expertise in working with homosexuals (see Straight Eye For the Queer Guy) like John Stewart. One tour of duty has led him to battle elitist Hollywood scum and comedians on Saturday Night Live, and we all know that those guys are harder to kill than Iraqi insurgents. The amount of cocaine used to kill one comedian can be used to send ten terrorists to that Crowded Virgin Funhouse In The Sky. Soldier on, brave Riggle.
Until recently, he did time in The Daily Show. In a bid to earn enough money to purchase an iPhone, he has slept with 1653 people, who each paid him 25 cents for his services; a skill he picked up while stranded in the wilds of Iraq. It is believed that by the introduction of the next generation of iPhone, he will beat Samantha Bee's whoring record.
Silent Thunder Infinite Waffle Fluffy Bunny Macho Kick-Ass Thundering Camel-ToeEdit
During the week of August 20, 2007, Riggle reported from the real Iraq, not the green-screen Iraq. Noted "good kind of brownie" Aasif Mandvi accompanied him. Upon his return to America, he presented Stewart with a scorpion, the traditional gift Iraqis bestow upon their enemies (because they simply can't afford real weapons).
Riggle was so grateful to return to American soil that upon landing, he sodomized the tarmac.
He announced his retirement on December 10, 2008 to begin a life of fighting crime.
Or, as he calls it "a walkabout" (like the Aussies do) with his lady friends:
- Princess Mary and
- Duchess LaRue
He spends his time divided among his many charities: "Cats For the Homeless", "Jews for Bacon", and the anti-abortion group "Cash for Babies" for which he was quoted, "I'm against abortion because I eat what I kill".