Ricky prays to The Baby Jesus, something everyone should do. Liberals hate Ricky because he prays and they are godless Communists. They also hate Ricky because he is a winner, and Liberals automatically hate someone who wins all the time, which is also why they hate George W. Bush and Stephen Colbert, who are also winners. Ricky is nicknamed "El Diablo", which is Spanish for, like, a fighting chicken. Ricky is the star of a NASCAR documentary and the best movie ever made (next to Highlander, of course): Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby.
- [thinking he is on fire] Help me, Jesus! Help me, Jewish God! Help me, Allah! Aah! Help me, Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise, use your witchcraft on me to get the fire off of me!Somebody help im on fire!
- Help me, Oprah Winfrey!
- I'm Ricky Bobby. If you don't chew Big Red, then f--- you.
- Hi, I'm Ricky Bobby. Christmas is right around the corner, and what better gift to give a loved one [pulls out knife] than the Jack Hawk 9000? Available at Wal-Mart!
- When you work on your mysterious lady parts, you should have the right tools, too. That's why you should use... [catches a tampon box] ...Maypax, the official tampon of Nascar.
- I've sent in my application to The Real World, so I'm puttin' a lotta eggs in that basket, the MTV basket. I also thought about getting a gun and becomin' a crack dealer. I wouldn't be, like, a mean crack dealer...I'd be a nice one. I'd just be like "Hey, guys, what's up? You want some crack?".
- Dear Lord Baby Jesus, lying there in your...your little ghost manger, lookin' at your Baby Einstein developmental...videos, learnin' 'bout shapes and colors...
- Hang on, Baby Jesus, this is gon' get bumpy!
- Now, due to a binding endorsement contract that stipulates that I mention POWERade at each grace, I'd just like to say that POWERade is delicious, it cools you off on a hot summer day, and we're all looking forward to POWERade's release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.
- [driving his first race] Hey, Lucius, I just wanted to share a piece of personal information with you. I've got a...a chubby right now because THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST AWESOME EXPERIENCES OF MY LIFE!! I'M GETTIN' TO DRIVE A RACECAR I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OH MY GOD!!!
- The room is startin' to spin real fast...cause of...cause of gayness.
- [Looking under the hood of his race car] Hot dog! I mean, that's like lookin' up Yasmine Bleeth's skirt!
- Yep, I'm flyin' through the air, this is not good. but big red is really good
- [to his father-in-law] The only thing you ever did with your life is make a hot daughter! That's it!
- [to Girard] I've got you, Pepe Le Bitch!
- [getting ready to bump Girard in a race] Hey, it's me, America!
- Slingshot: engage.
- I'm not sure what to do with my hands.
- You gotta win to get love. I mean, that's just life. Look at...look at Don Shula. Legendary coach. Look at that Asian guy who holds the world record for eatin' all those hot dogs in a row. Look at Rue McClanahan. From The Golden Girls. Three people, all great champions, all loved.
- There is a God damned cougar in the car!I know,I'm the one who put him in there.
- Get down, Karen!
- Momma, I'm goin' fast!
- I feel like a mongoose, stalking its prey.
- 98 percent of us will die at some point in our lives. Of that, only 5 percent of us will survive.
- [advertising for McCreedy Funeral Services] Bodies that look so good, you're gonna wanna talk to it!
From deleted scenesEdit
- [doing a Big Red commercial] I'm Ricky Ticky Bobby, if you don't chew Big Red gum then F**k you!