One respectable cantaloupe can feed an entire African village for a week


The Golden Girls demonstrating their preference when it comes to cantaloupes.

A respectable cantaloupe can be distinguished from disrespectable cantaloupes by their firmness and how many seeds they contain.

Also, the larger the cantaloupe, the more respect it gets from other, smaller cantaloupes.

It's a macho thing.

Stephen Colbert is rumored to have a painting in his residence of a bowl of cantaloupes, instead of the lazy common still lifes of bowls of various fruits. This was a gift from the African community for recognizing the population problem with elephants and having the "cantaloupes" to bring international attention to it when others ignored the thousands of pink elephants in the room.

Unrespectable cantaloupes on the other hand, are usually small, ill-tempered, and not very smart. You just can't have a good conversation with an unrespectable cantaloupe. In hand-to-hand combat the unrespectable cantaloupe might win, but only because it uses dirty tricks. Just like the democrats.

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