ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
Baby Jesus
Regular Americans
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

Regular Americans are the people who define America and her values.

Qualities That Define Regular AmericansEdit

  • Middle to upper class families. However, you must idealize blue-collar workers while secretly praying that your child doesn't become one.
  • Live in small towns or suburbs.
  • White, though Negroes and other minorities are acceptable if they can be assimilated.
  • Protestant Christian, though Catholics and Jews are okay. Mormons may be accepted someday as well because they hate gays.
  • A family with two married, opposite-sex parents. Single mothers not allowed because they're all Welfare Queens.
  • Republican. Duh.

What Real Americans AvoidEdit

  • Elitist Ivy League schools
  • Big cities because they corrupt our values.
    • Any place that hasn't had a lynch mob in the past 100 years.
  • Non-Americanized minorities.
  • Non-Christians.
  • Gays. As Joe the Plumber has said, its okay to have gay friends so long as they stay away from your children.

People Who Are Regular AmericansEdit

People Who Fight Against Regular AmericansEdit

See AlsoEdit

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