ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.

How can you tell if you're a Red-Blooded American?

Here are some identifying characteristics, courtesy of Glenn Beck:

  • Feels suspicious of American Muslims, especially democratically elected ones.
  • Buys Christmas presents at
  • Has never attended a same-sex marriage.
  • Has never burned an American flag.
  • Doesn't listen to The Dixie Chicks.

If you fit this description, and you live in the United States of America, not plain old America, you're a Red-Blooded American.

If you don't fit this description, you are invited to a reservation in Taxachusetts.

welcome in our tribe, go one our vision quest

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