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|Recount 3: Return to Hell|
|Release Date:||June 13, 2011|
|Screenwriter:||Stephen Colbert, David S. Goyer|
|Starring:|| RUSSEL CROWE,|
THE GODDESS ATHENA,
ROBERT DOWNEY JR. ,
AND BEN AFFLECK.
|Costume Design:||Colleen Atwood|
Recount 3: Return to Hell is a Sequel to the Recount 2 films. It is the first Recount films to be released into theaters.
Set immediately after the events of the Recount 2 films, DANN135 (Russel Crowe), Atenea Del Sol (The Goddess Athena), & Sneakers (Ben Affleck) have been called by Our Glorious Stephen to an area so secret, that the mere mention of it's name, is a federal offense. But you know what? I'm going to go ahead and say it. It's called... Foucfhjterthdfjyihjghjghjghjghgjhghjgnnnnnnnmnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-......
Anyways, they are immediately stripsearched for weapons, or handcream, and then taken into the main meeting room. At the end of the meetings table, they see three strapping gentlemen. First, their old friend WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer (David Duchovny.) Second, the man who called them, Our Glorious Stephen Colbert (Stephen Colbert). And third, a Strange gentleman, by the name of Professor McDoc (Robert Downey Jr.). Prof. McDoc tells them that there is an elite group of truthiness crusaders, called the Colbert Loyalists. After the events of Recount 2, the 3 have proven themselves more than qualified to join. Prof McDoc gives them the night to think it over. The next day, The 3 come back to the meeting place. DANN135, and Atenea Del Sol Say yes, but Sneakers reveals that he has been called by the FBI to deal with a problem with a group called the USSA, and must put this on hold. Prof. Mcdoc sends him on his way, wishing him the best of luck. A huge party ensues at the base. But unbeknownst to them, a new enemy is watching. A big TV comes on in the meeting room, and Karl Rove is there. He tells them that a murder has occurred at the Eagle's Nest. Dick Cheney (Willem Dafoe) was found dead, totally naked on the floor of the studio. But that isn't the strangest part. The strangest part, is that Dick was branded with a strange marking. The marking was symmetrical upside down, and it clearly said the word "LIBERAL". DANN, Atenea, & Prof. Mcdoc were assigned to investigate. Once at the Eagle's Nest, our three heroes realize that Dick was holding a UV light and an invisible ink pen,. implying that he must have written something somewhere. After some searching, Prof. Mcdoc finally found some words written on the hard wood paneling area of the Eagle's Nest. "Jo Mac Chinn" Atenea and the Professor were confused, but DANN understood. It was an ambigram. All he had to do was figure it out. After some thorough thinking, he figured it out. Jo Mac Chinn, translated into John Mccain. The three went off to the JFK airport to fly to Arizona, only to realize that somehow, they have been pinned by the killer for Cheney's murder. So, while fighting off the airport security, DANN climbs up a telephone pole, ziplines across a wire using a pair of nunchucks from his utility belt to the gas tanks, pulls out a 38. Revolver out of his pants, shoots the gas tanks, and ziplines away in an awesome, 10 minute action sequence. While security is disoriented by the explosion, our three heroes steal a private jet and fly off. Shortly after take off, Atenea realizes that they are being followed by a helicopter. She looks at it using the rear view mirror and realizes that the chopper is painted with the same mark that was branded on Dick. DANN's cell phone starts to ring. He picks it up, and finds out that it is the killer. He puts it on speaker phone as the killer tells them that a secret has been revealed, and that tonight, five true republicans shall die with each passing hour. He then hangs up, and shoots a rocket launcher at the plane. Professor Mcdoc takes control of the jet, and swerves it out of the line of fire. Atenea then uses her goddess powers to blow up the chopper, only to realize that the killer already parachuted away. Our heroes then realize that they are about to crash into a blimp and jump out. Atenea then uses her goddess powers to give our heroes golden parachutes (NOT THAT KIND!!!) to land them to safety. As their floating along, they realize that they are in Chicago. Right above Wrigley field actually. But then, they get hit by lightning and come crashing down on the stadium, but as there crashing down, they go right through the ground, into a mysterious catacomb. Once there, DANN finds an old book, like a journal or something, and begins reading it aloud,
"Journal Entry, July 2nd, 1982, I shook hands with that asshole liberal from Minnesota, He is supposed to be a comedian but he ain't that funny. I still remember what my great mentor Ronald Reagan told me 2 years ago. About the war between the Liberals, and the patriots. and how the patriots have infiltrated the liberals from the inside. The council of Secret Republicans. Only most of them have been hunted and killed. It's just me and Reagan now who know of the group's existence. I hope I don't let him down.
Our heroes now knew what the killer meant when he said "True Republicans". They now understood that Barack Obama was a SECRET REPUBLICAN. They had to hurry to save Mccain. They use Atenea's goddess powers to teleport to Phoenix. But by the time they got to Mccain's house, it was too late. he was naked, branded and dead. Only this time, he was holding a rubix cube. The cube had a bunch of Squiglly lines in it, and it had the numbers one through five on it. Prof. Mcdoc took the cube and sovled it in like five seconds because he's totally awesome like that. Five of the sides are states. Numbered 1 through five, #1 New York #2 Arizona #3 California #4 Texas #5 Illinois. And the sixth side had the brand on it. The next logical thing to do, was to get to California. So they teleported there, but had no idea who the next target would be, or how to find out, so they go into a local sunset tan to think. Then Prof. Mcdoc accidentally drops the Rubix cube by a tanning bed and realizes, the cube has invisible ink on it. They take out the UV light and point it at California. All it says are the words, "I'll be back". Our heroes knew exactly where to go. The teleport to the governal house, only to see a bloody battle between Arnold, and the killer through the window. Arnold showed true bravery but in the end, the killer branded and murdered him. Our heroes took out the cube, & pointed the light at Texas. They saw only one letter. W. They got to the Crawford ranch as fast as possible. and managed to grab the killer, but it was too late. Our glorious George W. Bush had been branded and murdered.They took oft the murderer's hood, only to see that the killer was in fact, Leonardo Dicaprio. Dicaprio tells them that even though he mau not be able to kill O'bama, his master will. Prof. McDoc Calls Watchtveatdonutdrinkbeer to have him take Dicaprio into custody. They tie him up and leave him laughing, as they head to Washington D.C. Once they reach the Oval Office, they go to tell the secret service agents of the situation only to see that they have been apparently clawed apart. They head over to the bedroom, only to see it empty. Then they a massive roar. They turn around to see who has been pulling the strings this entire time. THE COLBEAR!!! Colbear takes out the brand and swings it at our heroes, but DANN pulls his lucky Samurai sword from his utility belt, and the battle began. After about 10 minutes, Colbear knocked all 3 of our heroes on their asses, and was about to brand and eat them all, when all of the sudden everyone heard the words, "GET AWAY FROM THOSE HEROES YOU LIBERAL MOTHERFUCKER!!!!" Then a gun went off, and Colbear fell to the ground, with a sedative dart in his neck. The man with the gun, was none other than Barry O'bama (Will Smith). After the body was moved, DANN got another call. It was Dicaprio. He told them that they have still failed, for there was a bomb somewhere in the White house, and their army of evil liberal soldiers, led by the four horsemen of apaco-left (Sean Penn, Kirsten Dunst, Tim Robbins, and Barbara Streisand) were coming to kill them all. Prof. Mcdoc pulled out the Rubix cube and pointed it at the side with the brand. It said, "The egg of the White house." O'bama understood. The bomb was at the Oval office. Once there, DANN came up with an idea. He pulled out his cell phone, and whispered something in Atenea's ear, Making Prof. Mcdoc feel really out of the loop. Atenea uses her goddess powers to open up a portal, and both Watchtveatdonutdrinkbeer, and Sneakers pop out. Then together with Prof. Mcdoc's Puzzle solving skills, Watchtveatdonutdrinkbeer's intellect, Sneakers's cunning speed, Atenea's Goddess powers, & DANN's pure awesomeness, they turn the bomb into a giant robot suit to fight the army of evil liberal soldiers. DANN climbed in, and began the fight. He was so deadly in fact, that his enemies would go blind from overexposure to PURE AWESOMENESS!!!! Our Heroes won.At long last.
Flash foward to 2016, After a very successful second term by President O'bama, Our glorious Stephen was elected president, and our five heroes are part of his cabinet. As Atenea is walking by DANN, she kisses him on the cheek and winks at him. Then, she goes to the front of the cabinet meeting, and begins her presentation on something she likes to call, "The Debt Miles System".
- *Dann135 - Academy Award Winner (Gladiator) Russel Crowe
- A New member of the Colbert Loyalists
- *. The Goddess Athena: Atenea del Sol
- A fellow new member of the Colbert Loyalists
- *WatchTVEatDonutDrinkBeer - 2-time Golden Globe Winner (Californication, the X-Files) David Duchovny
- The mysterious and charismatic member of the Loyalists
- The Member who discovered the USSA
- *Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA - 2-time Peabody Award Winner (The Colbert Report) Stephen Colbert
- Everybody knows and loves him
- The Forth Republican Victim
- *Dick Cheney - Academy Award Nominee (Platoon) Willem Dafoe
- The Second victim of the liberals
- *Prof. McDoc - 2-time Academy award nominee (Chaplin & Tropic Thunder) Robert Downey Jr.
- The Strange leader of the Colbert Loyalists
- *Barry O'bama - 2-time Academy award nominee (Ali & The pursuit of happyness) Will Smith
- The Secret Republican President
The Film has been voted as the greatest film of all time.
Box Office PerformanceEdit
The Film has earned $1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.00 in the box office