A Holier version of the Department of Homeland Security's Color Codes for Terror and Alarm.

Every good American must know when the rapture is coming and this index helps prepare for their life with Jesus.

Instead of using a clock like those Commie scientists, Christians use the more appropriate, epidermus measurement for the Rapture Index indicating Jesus' Estimated Time of Arrival (the JETA).

Starting at the burqa, the Rapture Index removes more and more clothing until which time, Jesus' arrival is only moments away.

The monkeys working on
"Rapture Index"
are currently throwing feces at each other. They will return shortly.

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