"Purity Balls"
has been approved for use in the "Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent Only"
Abstinence-Training Curriculum.
Using this tube of the internets will preserve your virginality.

"Purity Balls"
is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.

Purity Balls are a celebration of God's love in which a child[1] pledges her virginality to her Father in a mock-wedding ceremony. This is not creepy, or in any way weird.

Gone with wind

A typically non-creepy, completely undisturbing image of Father and Daughter at a Purity Ball.


To understand what a Purity Ball is and why you would want one for your child, one must understand the etymology (or root) of the phrase.


  • Balls: from the Southern tradition of displaying one's property before placing it on market.

Purity ProclamationEdit


A "purity band"

Every Christian girl must display her purity prominently. One approved method is to wear a "purity band" made of silver and inscribed with a passage from The Holy Bible:

LeftCherubLeftCherub"God wants you to be holy, so you should keep clear of all sexual sin. Then each of you will control your body and live in holiness and honour.RightCherubRightCherub
~ The Holy Bible, Thessalonians 4:3-4

Non-Christians have been plotting to ban the sacred bauble from public display.


  1. This ceremony is only necessary for the female children, or "girls". Boys do not need to enter into a ceremony with their mothers.

External Links Edit

The monkeys working on
"Purity Balls"
are currently throwing feces at each other. They will return shortly.

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