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The great state of Puerto Rico!
Puerto Rico was discovered by the Spanish Conquistadors in 1493 apparently by Christopher Columbus, but, he didn't even step on the island. According to the Spanish Conquitadors' one and only version of history, they were cordially received by the Taino tribes. Less than 60 years later, there were no more native tribes in the island, all raped and killed.
Some boring years after...Edit
...after bombing the capitol city of San Juan, in the morning of June 25, 1898, 16,000 troops of the United States Army invaded the island. By the end of the campaign, the Spanish casualties numbered 450 dead, wounded, and captured while the American forces lost 4 dead and 39 more wounded. Go America! America had finally rescued Puerto Rico from colonialist imperialism. Puerto Rico became an United States Commonwealth in the 50's, because making it an United States Colony would've been considered tacky.
After America's RescueEdit
There were not so many changes between the first years of Martial Law regime in the island until 1917, when the Jones Act was approved in our Congress giving to the Puerto Ricans the U.S. citizenship they so dearly never asked for, just in time to serve with other Americans in the Great War or WWI. Waving Puerto Rican flags was illegal, and kids in school had to recite the Pledge of Allegiance. So finally, things were looking up.
Contributions to Other American RescuesEdit
Puerto Ricans have served in World War I, World War II, Korea, Vietnam, Iraq I, Bosnia, Kosovo, Afghanistan, Iraq II and other minor conflicts, but they are NOT allowed to vote for the President, Congress and Senate, as real americans do in the United States. Millions in Federal funds go to Puerto Rico, but WITHOUT Puerto Ricans actually paying some federal taxes. So, if you're from Puerto Rico, you get the honor of defending the GREATEST COUNTRY THAT GOD HAS EVER CREATED, and in return your island gets social security, health care, infrastructure, education money and benefits for veterans that suck that all states are entitled to, but you don't have to pay for some of it! What a sweet deal!
American Statehood vs Commie Banana RepublicEdit
President Bush ( Our Lord and Savior ) declared Puerto Rico "America's 51st state" and thus statehood was achieved. Puerto Ricans could now hold their heads up high because of the equality given to them by the President and our GOP brothers.
Unfortunately, this all changed when Puerto Rico kicked the United States Navy out of Vieques over some minor inconvenience involving weapons testing and depleted uranium in the ocean, as well as when the FBI shot and let bleed to death one of their commie rebel leaders on the day the country adorably commemorates their first of many unsuccessful uprisings against Spain in 1868.
Now Puerto Rico is back to its usual state of indecision, trying to decide between voting against American statehood for the 25,000th time or becoming the newest tiny little island to enrich their elite by expanding their military and economic whoring beyond the United States to the rest of the world.
Telecommunications Company To The Stars!Edit
Puerto Rico is also home to the Arecibo Radio Telescope, the universe's largest interstellar telephone company.