Yer doin' a heckuva job,

The Presidential Medal of Freedom is the highest civilian honor, except for a no-bid contract from Halliburton, that an American can receive. The Medal of Freedom program was started by John F. Kennedy as a method to attach shiny objects to his girlfriend Marilyn Monroe without his wife Jackie getting wise to his antics.


  • Marilyn Monroe received the "Medal of Freedom" shortly before her untimely death, August, 1962.

As the coroner's staff examined the body, they came across a shiny object clutched in her right hand.Inscribed on the obverse side of the medallion was this cryptic message: "She knows!" This led investigators to surmise that something nefarious had taken place and that the death scene was not suicide, but murder! Now it can be told, since all affected parties are deceased, that Jackie Kennedy, AKA "The First Lady", "The Woman in Bloody Pink", and "Jackie O," stored more than a bouffant 'do in that pill box hat of hers. In reality, it contained cyanide capsules, ostensibly placed there for her own suicide in the event she was taken hostage and about to be ravaged by Chinese Commies, but were actually used to snuff out the life of arguably the most desirable woman since Jane Russell, in a fit of jealous rage. All this can be documented thoroughly . . . omigod ! who are you? get out of here! no don't force me to swallow that! accckkkk! ugh!

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