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Pregnant

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"Pregnant"
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Pregnancy is the name given to that glorious time in a woman's life when she is most fully in the service of God and her husband. Through a mysterious process whose details are completely irrelevant, the woman comes to grow a baby inside her belly. After nine months (give or take), the woman goes to the hospital where the baby will be born (also through a process whose details are unimportant).

No returns without a receiptEdit

Some liberals like to perpetuate the myth that pregnancy is something "optional," like you can somehow turn back from being pregnant once you've started. This is just ridiculous, and a lie. Once you are pregnant, you are pregnant, until that baby comes out of your body. End of story.

You see, pregnancy is like a gift from God. Whether you asked for this gift, or whether He sprung it on you as a total surprise, or even if He forced you to take the gift while you were screaming "get your frigging gift away from me," it doesn't matter. All pregnancies are wonderful, precious gifts.

If your best friend gave you a gift, would you return it just because you don't like the style, or because you've already got one? No. Because that wouldn't be polite, now would it? If you wouldn't do that to a friend, why would you do it to a helpless little baby??

That's what I thought.

What To Expect When You're ExpectingEdit

Premium CitizensEdit

If you have health care, you can look forward to nine months of attentive pre-natal care, including regular check-ups with your Ob-Gyn, testing for you and your baby, and the assurance that you will be treated with a modicum of dignity and respect throughout most of your encounters with doctors, nurses, hospitals, etc.

And did I mention what a beautiful glow your pregnancy has given you. It really has. You're radiant. May I touch your belly?

Hollywood Pregnancy AssociationEdit

The Hollywood Pregnancy Association is an organization founded by Christina Aguilera for pregnant celebrities. It classifies the pregnancies as "Good" and "Bad". A good pregnancy is for one who is married and pregnant. This means you got pregnant during marriage. It doesn't count if you were unwed at the time of conception and then got engaged or married. A bad pregnancy is for those whom got pregnant prior to marriage or engagement. Christina is a great American for creating this organization because it helps point out moral issues with pregnancies in Hollywood.

Everyone ElseEdit

If you don't have health care, and you're pregnant, you're probably a drug addict or a whore. Expect to be treated as such. You know you deserve it.

Also, you're getting really fat. You should probably watch that.

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