Pottery Barn
has been granted full United States "citizenship"
for their donation to Republican causes.
America thanks you, Pottery Barn

Pottery Barn is an American retailer that specializes in girlie things, like table-top water fountains and peeing statues for the garden.

When not involved in keeping America's marketplace afloat, Pottery Barn employees offer free advice to American military leaders through their think tank, "Pottery Barn Employees Heritage Foundation for Growth".

Notable AdviceEdit

  • Brad, from the whicker department:
"Don't put all your tax shelters in one basket"
  • Missy, from glassware:
"You break it, you bought it"
  • Shaniqua, cashier:
"Don't call me a nappy-headed ho, cracker-assed cracker."


If you break a lamp, you have to put it back together (even if it doesn't look as good) and you have to stay there forever...and the lamp is explosive. And hates you.

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