Ponzi Scheme

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Ponzi Scheme
is part of Wikiality's series on all things Ponzi.
The Ponzibilities are Endless!™

For other major Ponzi tubes, see Charles Ponzi and United States of Ponzi.

A Ponzi Scheme, named after Charles Ponzi, is the method by which ze money is taken from ze pawns, and ze pawns removed from the field of play (at least fiscally, if not mortally).

In more specific terms, a Ponzi scheme is the perpetration of a fraud by paying dividends to investors with the money from future investors rather than any real profit being made, in order to feign a successful financial operation to promise low-risk high-reward ventures to further customers, when really all you are is a total douchebag. This is, in most cases, a financial felony, and a generally dick thing to do, unless you are only doing it to make it look as if the free market is rising, in which case it is patriotic. Those men are heroes, who are willing to commit a felony to make capitalism look like it's not broken. This is what will eventually defeat socialism (see Barack Hussein Obama) and evil in America. Men clinging so hard to their American, capitalist values that if they can't make capitalism work, they are at least going to make it look like it works.

Not to be confused with a Fonzi scheme, which is a financial felony committed with a shitty haircut (see Rod Blagojevich)

A Ponzi PrimerEdit

A handy primer to help you identify which types of Ponzi and Conzi are active in your life. This way, you can avoid being one of ze pawns, and even turn Ponzi to your personal advantage!

Ponzi ClassicEdit

Ponzi Classic is very similar to Enron Accounting Practices. Namely, sell imaginary things to investors, promising unrealistic rates of return, and pay your original investors with money gained from your new ones. This is the original Ponzi, and is also sometimes called a Pyramid Scheme, the Stock Exchange, the Bond Market, and Government Treacheries.


Self-Ponzi is most often implemented at the Government level. Examples include:

The American Government, with its left hand, is selling unredeemable promisary notes of debt that the NINJAs cannot pay, and simulntaneously buying it back with their right hand. This is an excellent example of Self-Ponzi, the circular practice of Conzi. Self-Ponzi as implemented by the Obama government is a notable practise of the USSA.

Another example is to make public statements that you would prefer not to nationalize the banks, when you already own at least 60% of them. 51% is Nixo-Facto nationalization.

A third example is to purchase 85% of an insurance company. Let's call it AIG. So that it cannot be said that you nationalized it, transfer all of your preferred, voting shares into non-voting common shares. This way you won't have any control over the company that you bought with the money of hardworking American NINJAs.

Ponzi TubesEdit

"Ponzi Scheme"
is a part of's dictionary, "Watch What You Say". For the full dictionary, click here.

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