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"Poincaré Conjecture"
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Donut-loopy-thingy, the object most studied by topo-mathologists

Proposed in 1905 by Henri "Frenchie" Poincare, the Poincaré Conjecture is a conjecture about the very mathy subject of topology (the study of "tops"). It has to do with mathematics and is fully clear only to mathologists. The conjecture is also wrong, because Stephen said so. There have been many different ways used to phrase the conjecture, undoubtably because the factonista of the liberal media attempts to mislead the public away from the path of Truthiness. It was considered to be the most hollowed mathematical theorem for many years, with many distinguished scholars giving it a dry hump or π.


The two most common ways to phrase the conjecture are:

A donut cannot be turned into a sphere (or vice versa) without the creation of tears.
A rabbit is a sphere because neither of them has holes.

Of course, mathologists phrase it quite differently:

Every simply connected compact 3-manifold (without boundary) is homeomorphic[1] to a 3-sphere.



At the beginning of the 20th century, Henri Poincaré was working on the foundations of topology. Despite being French he was immensely concerned with balls (called "spheres" in mathspeak). Poincaré asked questions about balls - his questions were numerous and vastly nonsensical, but what can you expect from a mathologist? One of his questions caught the public eye:

Consider a compact 3-dimensional manifold V without boundary. Is it possible that the fundamental group of V could be trivial, even though V is not homeomorphic to the 3-dimensional sphere?

Which, translated from mathspeak, means, "can something have the deliciousness that is the donut's hole, yet be shaped like a ball?"[3]

Evil mathologists, who are members of the Z-Axis of Evil, have taken Poincaré's question, and using "theories" and "logic" concluded that they think the answer should be "No". Feeling that they had the authority to do so, they decided to make a statement that a donut cannot be turned into a sphere without being torn and called that the Poincaré Conjecture.


It wasn't until Grigory Perelman, a commie, allegedly solved it in 2003. He was awarded the Field's Medal in August of 2006, which he declined to accept (most probably out of guilt[4]) in front a fabulously metro crowd in Madrid.

Solution Confirmed?Edit

Apparently, mathematicians are really, really slow. Since Perelman solved this little puzzle, Obama has gone back in time to fix his birth certificate so he could steal the 2008 U.S. Presidential election, which in turn allowed him to claim that he killed bin Laden.

If you're so smart Grigory, if that's even a real name, why don't you tell us how that little Kenyan broke all the laws of physics, huh?

I didn't think so. (He'll probably say he figured it out 30 years ago, but it hasn't been confirmed yet. Sneaky Russians)

Colbert's Final ProofEdit

In 2006, Stephen Colbert, after hearing of Perleman's alleged proof, debunked a myth about rabbits and counter-proved the conjecture on the air on his show, The Colbert Report. Stephen showed that not only can donuts be spheres, but also that they are just as delicious.

"No tears, just deliciousness!"

Stated Colbert victoriously.

See AlsoEdit


  1. Heh, heh, you said, "homo", heh heh...
  2. Note - the conjecture's History is subject to change.
  3. Spoiler alert! (It can)
  4. Stephen Colbert's Gut has yet to receive the Fields Medal

Poincaré Conjecture
is science-related, sending it straight to hell.
Poincaré Conjecture
est trop Français
veuillez l'éditer pour le rendre plus vrai dans les tripes

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