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Pluto Haters

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ANYONE WHO SAYS THIS ARTICLE ISN'T TRUE IS A COMMUNIST!!!

Pluto haters are the worst of the bear-liberal elite. Stephen Colbert will soon be discussing this on a future epsiode when he forsees it in a Tek Jansen adventure. It's a bit complicated, but I'll explain to you why the pluto haters, hate pluto so much. By the year 2400 the U.S.A. has plans not only to annex the entire world, but all of the planets. By then we'll have so many people they'll be practically falling off the edge of the recently proven square Earth. We'll have to send them all to the other planets and make them live there on the now very habitable other planets (we really don't know if this is going to be true, but it feels true in our gut). So, The pluto haters have recently learned that in the election of 2400 the planets are estimated to be aligned like the following in the election of Hillary Clinton the 20th (blue) vs. Ted Stevens the virtual holograph (red).

1. Mercury: blue planet (really more libertarians, but still pretty liberal) worth: 2 electoral points

2. Venus: blue planet (just a bunch of feminists) worth: 4 electoral points

3. Earth: red planet (only the gas companies, and Karl Rove's descendents are still there) worth: 12 electoral points

4. Mars: red planet (the aliens finally revealed themselves and had a suprisingly conservative agenda for NAMBLA supporters) Worth: 4 points

5. Jupiter: blue planet (A bunch of New York "intellectuals" who worship a Ned Lamont statue) Worth: 10 electoral points

6. Saturn: red state (NRA home) worth: 6 electoral points

7. Uranus: blue state (a bunch of socialist french-canadians) worth: 8 electoral points

8. Neptune: blue state (they barely voted since they're all actors and communists) worth: 2 electoral points

9. Pluto: red state (swing state, close vote) worth: 6 electoral points

Apparently Pluto was cram packed with people, but it doesn't matter, if you can add you realized the score was Ted Stevens the hologram: 28, to Hillary Clinton the 20th: 26. The bear-liberal elite couldn't have another Clinton loss, so they're killing Pluto, in turn having a Hillary Clinton president in 2400. God help the human race if she succeeds.

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