Dr. Colbert has recently released information concerning his studies in botanty. He has done thousands of double-blind experiments, proving that ficus plants are sentient because they grow better when he talks to them, and that an ear of corn has a better chance of having a coherent thought than a shrimp.
←has a better chance of having a coherent thought than→
Bioethicist Dr. Peter Singer has demanded that Dr. Colbert publish his documented findings in a peer-reviewed scientific journal. Apparently, Stephen's word is not good enough for this shady Australian.