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Pizza is a round saucer of items, usually known as tasty goodness. There are numerous items that can top it, including small bits of stinky slimy fungus called anchovies (but nobody that can be considered American has ever ordered those). It is the primary source of calories for the American public. It is also important as a setup for many porno films ("I believe I ordered SAUSAGE on that pizza!"..."I got your sausage for you, Tyrone Hunnibi...in my pants!")
People who don't like pizza are communists, just like Al Franken and Michael Moore. Michael Moore is lucky he hates pizzas, because if he ever started eating them, he would grow so fat, he would be like Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory...except he would be a communist and we would roll him onto a dock and then he would be shipped on a freight tanker straight to Iraq as ordered by the Greatest President Ever, where Iraqis would shoot the pepperoni and extra cheese from his numerous folds of fat. If we didn't ship his fat ass to Iraq, he would just keep eating babies and disabled troops, adding to his rather "large" stature. Then he would build a temple to Chairman Mao Zedong and dance naked round a bonfire made from the Declaration of Independence.
Pizza was also a torture device used on communist leaders when they were held captive by vigilante groups or the military of the "cool" countries.
America's Obssession and Food PricesEdit
Like the famed episode Colbert proclaimed that as food prices sky rocket. We should be prepared to make sacrifices and could pizza be one of them? Sure all of us would rather be eaten by our most hated predators, bears. But that shouldn't mean we should sacrifice the taste over the price.
No, so you can't afford a name brand pizza made by a motely crew at local pizza store. The solution to our problems? We make buisness's ourselves, thus making pizza more affordable to our neighbors. Armed with your Italian cook book knowledge you should be able to put money back into your pockets!
Inviting people over to each others houses could have a new meaning. Just be sure to leave a tip at the door before you head in. But would the idea really go down with the big boys in pizza making?