According to what every American child has been taught in liberal schools, "pi" (without the "e") is a number, invented by Mathologists. These Mathologists use pi in performing some of their Pagan Rituals such as calculating the area of a circle.
Explanation and UsesEdit
Pi is a mathematical constant equal to exactly 3, which as every good decent American Christian knows is GOD’S number. Bear in mind ye heathen frog worshipping pagans that whereas Nature can be a real Mother when fooled with, the Almighty gets super pissed when fools play around with His number. Those who waste there life calculating pi out to ridiculous lengthy digits (also cheating by using computers) will be thrown into “the lake that burns with fire”, which is worse than hell because according to the Revelation hell gets thrown into the lake of fire during the end times. In the earth's polar regions, where it gets very cold, pi is only 3. As you know, everything shrinks in the cold. It’s called Eskimo pi. In Australia pi is equal to 1/3 because everything is upside down there. This constant is used by construction workers to reinforce buildings against rampant terrorist attacks and make America a safer place.
Mathologists have confirmed that it is impossible to find the square root of Pi, because of two theories. One theory says that square roots are notoriously good at hiding, the other states that it can't be done because pi are round. Cakes, on the other hand, are square. Well, except for the round ones; they're round. Very very round.