Penn Jillette

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Penn Jillette
has been a guest of The Colbert Report
and got nailed in the process
Penn Jillette
is a Beautiful Republican
God Bless America

Mr. Jillette waving from a float

Penn Jillett is a fat half wit, who was a guest on "The Colbert Report". Some people claim that Penn is really just Al Franken without his suit of staunch liberalism, and that he can morph back into Franken at any time! In truthiness, however, Mr. Penn[1] is a proud Libertarian who proves the old maxim:

Guotes open clear3
Butch on the streets, femme in the sheets.
Guotes close clear3
~Gayviticus 2:14


Righteous HatredsEdit

Mr. Jillette must be applauded for his hatred of PETA, Gun Control, Conspiracy Theories, Bottled Water, and Recycling.

Sinful HatredsEdit

But Mr. Penn is not a pure, holy hater after the ways of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. In fact, Mr. Penn does not believe in Our Lord and Savior, and has even gone so far as to claim that there is no God!! Mr. Jillette also hates the children, which he has proven in a number of ways:

  • Wants to break the heart of little children.
  • Wants to punch a puppy.
  • Claims there is no Santa Claus and that the Tooth Fairy is a sham.

It is easy to see that Mr. Penn does not think of the children, and is clearly headed straight for the eternal, burning fires of hell. He will, no doubt, have no trouble finding employment there, as Satan will surely put him to work as the new voice of Hell's Fall Season.[2]

How Hip Is He Exactly?Edit

DramaticQuestionMark Did you know...

...Mr. Jillette guessed Stephen's card, the 10 of diamonds?

Mr. Jillette started his career as a magician. He now believes that he is too hip to just be on the TV, so he started a radio program, where he dazzles his listeners with innovative card tricks.

Mr. Jillette's Other SkillsEdit

  • giving away state secrets
  • voice-over artist perfection[3]
  • thunder stealer
  • understanding television as if he invented it!

What Mr. Jillette Wants To Keep Out Of The Hands of The GovernmentEdit

  • His "partner" (cough), Teller, who helps out on the radio show[4]


  1. No relation to Sean Penn, although the name similarity should raise some red flags, especially where metaphor abuse is concerned.
  2. I can't imagine any greater torture than having to listen to Penn Jillette's voice for all eternity. Can you?
  3. see note above, re: hell
  4. Poor Teller. He would be so much funnier without Penn. Even if he never talked.

Penn Jillette
is a tool Patriots use to battle America's enemies
God Bless America

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