The Truth About Peanut Butter by Steve GuacamoleEdit
gayPeanut butter was actually invented by Abraham Lincoln's wife, Mary Todd Lincoln. Lincoln attributed the invention to George Washington Carver in order to improve the image of black people in the eyes of post-Civil War America. Fearing potential racial strife, this fact is kept hidden by a secretive group called The Illuminuti. The mystery of peanut butter's invention by President Lincoln was discovered by Stan and Steve Guacamole on February 18, -2009. Sadly the proof, consisting of Lincoln's names for his creation (among them "peanut cream," "nut mud," "guacamole") as well as Illuminuti leader, former president Jimmy Carter, were lost in a lava-filled subterranean cavern directly beneath the Lincoln Memorial, accessible only through Lincoln's "proof chute."
FartsPeanut Butter was created by John's 230th wife, Mary Todd Lincoln to keep evil spirits away. When Lincoln tasted the peanut butter, he tried to make a name for peanut butter. He then came up with peanut butter while he, Mary, John and his wife were in Ford's Theatre. When Lincoln got up, John Wilkes Booth quietly walked over to Lincoln, whipped out his l'l wincker and shot Lincoln in the back of the head. John Wilkes Booth got away with it. 31 years later, Grover Cleveland placed a jar of peanut butter on George Washington Carver's front porch. George Washington Carver created over 300 uses for peanuts except for peanut butter. Carver became the credited inventor of peanut butter. Now today people think Carver created peanut butter but now you know how peanut butter came to be.
- Someone tainted ConAgra's Peter Pan brand peanut butter, just to make the corporation look bad.
- This other guy got chocolate in someone's peanut butter. I totally saw it on the news the other day.
- In June 2009, the EPA ordered Home Depot stores to stop selling peanut butter labeled as grout.
- Steve Smith totally had sex before.