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Paul Revere

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ATTENTION: This Page is for Real Americans™ ONLY
If you are not a Real American™, pack your bags and report to GITMO.
RevereFacepalm

Paul Revere contemplating whether or not to awaken people at midnight to warn them of the advancing British army or simply have another whiskey and beer.

Paul Revere was a craftsman and silversmith from the Boston area best known for saving the Great Nation of the United States from the invading army of savage British soldiers wearing tights and wielding tennis rackets, croquet mallets and crumpets. He single- handedly saved Americans from the humiliation of having to ask for assistance in re-claiming two small rocks off the coast of Argentina and being the country to hand over Taiwan to the Chinese.

A little known distinction of Paul Revere's Midnight Ride to warn of the invading tea-sippers of dubious sexual orientation is the first known use of the f-word and a common saying. This occurred when, as he awoke the first man with the cry, "The red-coats are coming!" the man shouted back from his window, "F--- you, AND the horse you rode in on!"

Supporter for Sarah PalinEdit

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Historian Sarah Palin verified that this picture depicting Paul Revere during his midnight ride is authentic.

He is famous for riding from Boston to Lexington, Massachusetts with William Dawes on the night of April 18, 1775 ringing bells and whistles to warn the British that colonists would exercise their natural rights to both bear arms and use them in an effort to secede from the British Monarchy in response to their Big Government bullying, socialism, out of control spending, excessive gun control (being as he was a staunch and prescient supporter of the second ammendment), and interfering with Colonial’s Rights to elect Sarah Palin as Queen in 1789. By his own account, he dutifully warned the British that “there would be a well regulated militia of 500 100,000 Real Americans there in a short time, not one of which was gay."

FactsEdit

  • Paul Revere was the Julian Assange of his time by revealing America's secrets to the British.
  • Dr. Colbert is Paul's biggest fan

Special SkillsEdit

Paulreverebadass
  • could ride a horse
  • could shoot a musket
  • could ring bells
    • all at the same time!

See AlsoEdit

External TubesEdit

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