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Patrick Stewart

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Patrick Stewart
has bad teeth and a funny accent because he is British,
but still loves America, thank you for supporting our President.

Patrick Stewart is Captain of the Federation Starship Enterprise. He also leads the super hero team the X-Men against Liberal Communists. Born British through no fault of his own, Captain Stewart has made up for his genetics drawbacks by leading the way for America to make outer space its next invasion liberation destination.

Patrick Stewart's head has the properties of a perfect curve (following Stephen's Golden Ratio) and reflects only truthiness. More powerful than an 8-Ball, more beautiful than Mt. Rushmore and with all the strength of a Bald Eagle, Patrick Stewart's head is a Real American. Inside this wonderful head of his you can find eyes that are blue-within-blue; a condition he received from ingesting Spice from the planet Arrakis.

Stewart also portrays CIA Deputy Directory Avery Bullock on American Dad!, an animated series that airs on the most glorious of television channels, Fox. What a hero. Generous in spirit, he has bestowed knowledge upon uber-Christian Mel Gibson with a method known as "brain gravy." We could tell you more, but then America's enemies would win.

Warning: He shares Jon Stewart's last name.

See Jean-Luc Picard

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