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Patrick Henry College

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The college for homeschooled Americans.

Patrick Henry College
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Location: 9th Circle of Hell
Type of School: Fascist
Annual Tuition: Enough to buy the chancellor a mansion and commission his portrait, but not enough to provide a certified counselor for students or a decent auditorium
Mascot: Any homeschooler with high-water pants, a pocket Constitution, and an obscene desire to toe the Tea Party line.
School Colors: Blue and gold
School Song: "I Can't Decide" by Scissor Sisters
Student Population: Cynical
Fun Fact # 1: The #1 goal of graduating students is to do the deed on Farris's desk. The success rate of those who try is a carefully guarded secret, but it is said that upon completion successul couples are intiated into PHC's most exclusive clique, which secretly encourages current students to engage in further debauchery, like holding hands.
Fun Fact # 2: PHC offers a minor in hypocrisy, which is taught by most members of the administration (especially Student Life) at no additional charge.

MissionEdit

Patrick Henry is the first college in the United States founded specifically for Christian home-schooled students and is known for its conservative evangelical Christian focus.

FoundingEdit

Purcellville, VA, U.S. (Aka: Jesus' crib on earth)

AdmissionEdit

According to our lord and savior Stephen Colbert, this college is harder to get into than heaven.


MajorsEdit

  • Congressional Page
  • military-avoidance
  • Constitution-dismantling
  • Chemistry (Women's Clinical Improvised Activism)

See AlsoEdit

Liberace
SmilinTedHaggard
Despite what you may have heard
Patrick Henry College
Is totally not gay!
StromThurmond
Klansman
Despite what you may have heard
Patrick Henry College
Is totally not racist!
RushCigar
Patrick Henry College agrees with Rush,
Muslims are not American!
RUSH IS RIGHT!!! RUSH IS RIGHT!!!

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