Orson Welles

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I fear what I don't understand, and I don't understand this.
Be less random and be more truthy--use your gut.


  • Orson Welles was born to poor coal miners in the 1890s. When he was a young boy, the Colorado Lode was discovered on his family's property, and his mother decided that he would go and study under the Margaret Thatcher until he could take ownership of the fortune when he turned 21.
  • Against Thatcher's wishes, Welles established himself as Editor-In-Chief of the Inquirer newspaper. His prominence as a newspaper magnate carried over into the 20th century, when he attempted to influence politics and ran for Governor of whatever state he lived in.
  • The villainous J. Paul Getty discovered that Welles was having an extra-marital affair with William Hung. Welles married Hung anyway, and attempted to install him as a famous opera singer, despite the fact that Hung had a terrible voice.
  • It turns out that all Welles wanted was this sled that he'd lost as a little boy and if he could have found it amongst all his other junk he might have really been happy. His last words were "The Union Forever", which most historians attribute to his love of The White Stripes.

Orson Welles Non-Sensical BiographyEdit

Fattest Guy who ever worked in Hollywood. Stephen only likes one quality because Welles is Roman Catholic, bu that does not stop the ramage of what Welles did. He saw a UFo on Halloween night, 1938. He tried to report the craft, but it flew away leaving people in panic. Throughout the next few years, he made "Citizen Kane, who does not deserve the rigth to be a American citizen, and "The Third Man" were a appeared 3 times within the movie. In 1985, after eating an elephant for dinner, the 70-year old Welles dropped dead from a heart attack. He will be forever remebered as the man who ate everyone on Hollywood.

Orson Welles
is an insidious part of the
Fancy-pantsification of America!

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