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Current Olympic Commissioner Jörg Umbürstraße

The Olympics are a biyearly competition pitting the world's greatest Christian athletes against each other. The Olympics were created by the Nazis in 1936. The Baby Jesus himself delivered a message to Adolf Hitler; that he should create a forum for countries across the world to compete to see which race is best suited to defeat the Jews.


The Olympics (all kicked off by the running of the Olympic Torch) take place once every two years. And every-other two year period the competitions are alternated between Winter sports and Summer sports. Make sense? Good. Olympic sites are chosen based on how much money the countries who want them give to the International Olympic Conglomeracy(IOC) in combination with how well known or pitiful the desperate cities are to have them. Former and future Desperate Cities are:

  • Athens, Greece: Summer 1896
  • Paris, France: Summer 1900
  • St.Louis, Unites States: Summer 1904
  • London, England: Summer 1908
  • Stockholm, Sweden: Summer 1912
  • Berlin, Germany: Summer 1916 (Cancelled due to WWI)
  • Antwerp, Belgium: Summer 1920
  • Chamonix, France: Winter 1924
  • Paris, France: Summer 1924
  • St.Moritz, Switzerland: Winter 1928
  • Amsterdam, Netherlands: Summer 1928
  • Lake Placid, United States: Winter 1932
  • Los Angeles, United States: Summer 1932
  • Garmisch-Partenkirchen, Germany: Winter 1936
  • Berlin, Germany: Summer 1936
  • Tokyo, Japan: Summer 1940 (Cancelled for WWII)
  • Sapporo, Japan: Winter 1940 (Cancelled for WWII)
  • London, England: Summer 1944 (Cancelled for WWII)
  • Cortina d'Ampezzo, Italy: Winter 1944 (Cancelled for WWII)
  • St.Moritz, Switzerland: Winter 1948
  • London, England: Summer 1948
  • Oslo, Norway: Winter 1952
  • Helsinki, Finland: Summer 1952
  • Cortina d'Ampezzo: Winter 1956
  • Melbourne, Australia: Summer 1956
  • Squaw Valley, United States: Winter 1960
  • Rome, Italy: Summer 1960
  • Innsbruck, Austria: Winter 1964
  • Tokyo, Japan: Summer 1964
  • Grenoble, France: WInter 1968
  • Mexico City, Mexico: Summer 1968
  • Sapporo, Japan: Winter 1972
  • Munich, Germany: Summer 1972
  • Innsbruck, Austria: Winter 1976
  • Montreal, Canada: Summer 1976
  • Lake Placid, United States: Winter 1980
  • Moscow, Soviet Union: Summer 1980
  • Sarajevo, Yugoslavia: Winter 1984
  • Los Angleles, United States: Summer 1984
  • Calgary, Canada: Winter 1988
  • Seoul, South Korea: Summer 1988
  • Barcelona, Spain: Summer 1992
  • Albertville, France: Winter 1992
  • Lillehammer, Norway: Winter 1994
  • Atlanta, United States: Summer 1996
  • Nagano, Japan: Winter 1998
  • Sydney, Australia: Summer 2000
  • Salt Lake City, United States: Winter 2002
  • Athens, Greece: Summer 2004
  • Turin, Italy: Winter 2006
  • Beijing, China: Summer 2008
  • Vancouver, Canada: Winter 2010
  • London, England: Summer 2012
  • Sochi, Russia: Winter 2014

Usually the countries spend enormous amounts of money they don't have on infrastructure and numerous new Arena's. These arena's are generally converted to brainwashing stations for sports teams after the Olympics have taken over the city for it's two plus week duration. The Desperate cities also build Olympic villages which are then converted to houses for the homeless or barracks for future armies.


Some popular Olympic sports include:


  • Ice Fishing(Sometimes finishes well after the Olympics, although no one checks as no one cares!)
  • Skjoring
  • Bi-Athlon
  • The Jew Sled
  • Cross-Country Jew shoot
  • Drunk Ski-dooing(Is there any other way?)
  • Snowboarding: Without Marijuana just like the Baby Jesus wants!
  • Ice Cold Vodka Drinking In Tandem With Ski Jumping
  • Figure Skating-Women(Acceptable)
  • Figure Skating-Gay Men Only(Tragic But Fabulous)
  • Figure Skating-Pairs(The gays will take this one over too-Blame Will Farell and Blades Of Glory)


  • The Running of the Jew
  • Shot-Put
  • Discus Throw
  • Jew Egg Hunt
  • Spelling Bee
  • Breast Stroke("Out Of Water")
  • Breast Stroke("In Water" but only after the "Out Of Water" one, to hide the happiness)
  • Rubber Ducky Racing
  • Barb-Q - No Veggie Burgers allowed, they make the Baby Jesus Cry
  • Love Making, note Dr. Stephen T. Colbert is the only person to receive a gold medal in this, every year.

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