Olive Garden is the Pièce de résistance of American fine dining. It is where fat Italian-American mob gangsters take their wives and kids so they will shut the hell up. It is known for its world renowned 'endless' salad and breadsticks. You can see why it is popular with fat Italians like the Godfather. He can often be seen sitting in the corner of your local Olive Garden stroking his restless cat.

In short, it is McDonalds for rich people. Jay Leno knows all about Olive Garden, because he goes there every day to stuff his fat face before he gets on tv and talks about things only old wrinkly fat Italian-American mob gangsters care about. Olive Garden is owned by God, making it a very holy place. Thou shalt not use the f-bomb in thine Olive Garden. Other than that, Olive Garden does not contribute to American society. Terrorists are quite fond of Olive Garden, considering they ate there as their last meal before flying their fat asses into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon and the McDonalds on 42nd and 12th in New York.

When Jesus Christ himself goes to Olive Garden, this rare occurence is called the Rapture. Non-christians shall fear the rapture, as it is the day that Christ goes to Olive Garden with his AK-47 to kill the terrorists eating their last supper there. Stephen Colbert has been to Olive Garden atleast once, which if it were not already owned by God, would by default make it a holy place. Therefore it is a doubly holy place. Thou shall not covet thy neighbors Olive Garden, for thine hath thine own Olive Garden down the road. If you have never been to an Olive Garden, you have two options: 1. Go there RIGHT NOW! or 2. Kill yourself, because you are a islamo-terrorist, commy-loving, Obama-voter! Atleast you get to choose, because some ignorant, pie-shoveling, Italian-American, mob-gangsters do not know about Olive Garden and for that will go to Hell.

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