The Oboe is a musical instrument which got it's name from the French word Hautbois. Haute translates into American as "Hands", and Bois into "Up". The idiocy of the French explains the oboe's poor design, and thus makes it the most difficult instrument to play.
The sound of an oboe is one of the most terrifying noises one can experience. The reaction to the noise of an oboe can best be described in the Book Of Revelations,
|And when he opened the fifth seal,|
I heard the tormented screams
of the damned as a chorus of 7,000 oboes
played for a duration to which there is no end...
|~ The Holy Bible, Revelations 14:9|
Uses of the Oboe
True to its name, the oboe has been used by the French as an instrument of signaling to the enemy they were ready to surrender.
History of the Oboe
The first mass use of the oboe as an instrument of surrendery was during the reign of Napoleon. After the failed invasion of Russia the starving and freezing French soldiers were forced to use their oboes as firewood. The only article they had left was the swab (peice of white cloth used to clean the oboe).
After burning their oboes the French soon realized that they now had no means of surrendering to the Americans at the Battle of Waterloo. Improvising the French wove their swabs in a desperate attempt to surrender to the Americans.
Who plays the Oboe?
The French and/or Homosexuals. Despite the implied dovishness of these two groups, oboists are an odd and unpredictable sort who have been known to slash with vigor anyone who disturbs them with their reed knives. Oboists should be approached as if they are insane.
Special Section for Parents
Are you concerned that your son/daughter might be a victim of the Homosexual Agenda rampant in the public schools system of today? One of the most obvious signs that your son/daughter has caught a case of "the Gays" is if he/she chooses to play the oboe (this also applies for the French Horn).
If your son/daughter comes home with one of these ungodly machines of agony, immediately take the perversion away. Explain to them that the oboe is French and as long as they live in this house they will not be blowing into anything gay. Tell your son/daughter that they should choose an instrument that has a proper gender role assigned to it(flutes for girls; trumpets for boys).