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Obi-Wan Kenobi

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Obi-Wan Kenobi was a shining knight of truthiness and the Republican party, who lived in a Galaxy far, far away. He defeated the wretched Communist Darth Vader and saved the Galaxy, but was destroyed by bears who lived in the area.


Life Story Edit

Old Ben

Obi-Wan as he appeared during the Great Bear Chase.

Early Life Edit

As a baby, Obi-Wan was a close personal friend of both Stephen Colbert and the Baby Jesus, learning everything from them.

Luke Skywalker-Colbert Edit

Later in life, Stephen Colbert introduced Obi-Wan to Luke Skywalker-Colbert. Obi-Wan taught the young Jedi both The Force and The Farce, and Skywalker-Colbert quickly became one of the best Jedi ever, second only to the immortal Dr. Colbert himself.

The Great Bear Chase Edit

Obi-Wan Kenobi was a skilled bear hunter, defeating all the devious bears that came before him. Once, he chased one of the rabid killing machines from Washington, across half of the known Galaxy, finally cornering it in North Korea, where he faced a pack of the rabid beasts, plus Karl Marx and Kim Jong II, skillfully defeating them all.

Final Battle Edit

The Final Battle

Obi-Wan engages Darth Vader in the Final Battle.

He later encountered the group again, fighting them back into Russia, where they had hidden a secret rocket. The cowardly Commies escaped to the Moon, while Obi-Wan was forced to deal with Darth Vader, a.k.a. the Dark Knight of Communism. He battled him up to a volcano, where the Truthiness Monkeys and Ronald Reagan helped to throw the Dark Lord into the flaming pit. On his way back, however, he was killed in an ambush by bears under the command of Nancy Pelosi.

Death of Obi-Wan KenobiEdit

In a late-night appearance in the East Room of the Imperial Palace, Lord Vader declared that “justice has been done” as he disclosed that agents of the Imperial Army and stormtroopers of the 501st Legion had finally cornered Kenobi, one of the leaders of the Jedi rebellion, who had eluded the Empire for nearly two decades. Imperial officials said Kenobi resisted and was cut down by Lord Vader's own lightsaber. He was later dumped out of an airlock.

Darth Vader declared on Galactic Telecommunications on Sunday that Obi-Wan Kenobi was dead and that revel forces would soon follow his fate. The mastermind of some of the most devastating attacks on the Galactic Empire and the most hunted man in the galaxy was hiding in Tatooine, causing diplomatic tensions with the Empire.

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