Randomness does, however, work for

Contradictory to popular belief, oatmeal was not invented by a Quaker dude who looks a lot like Will Riddle in the 1770s. He did steal the recipe invented by an atheist by the name of Steve N. Koolbear. Steve did not like Quakers. So he kicked them out of the country. The Quaker dude became a frivolous lawsuit lawyer and sued Koolbear. Koolbear won. But Steve lost the recipe in a bet (Quakers weren't supposed to gamble but this guy did and won). Koolbear won in the end by proving that Quakers were lozers.

OATMEAL came from the Atheist motto: OUT! Athiests Turned ME Against Lozers.

Today oatmeal is an artificial wheat product processed in government funded factories in China. The wheat is cut, dried, and turned into a powder where it is combined with baby powder to get a creamy texture. Then it is packaged in Korea in sweatshops and shipped to America. In America we buy the packages then put them onto plates where we mix it in Orange Juice, slap it onto a slice of toast and put it into a toaster oven to make a quick, easy, nutritious breakfast.

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