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OJ Simpson
is a CELEBRITY! Oh. My. God.



OJ Simpson, AKA "The Juice," AKA "Killer," is a former murderer running back who rose to even greater fame as a Hollywood actor.

Today, OJ quietly spends his time as an acquited murderer shys away from the spotlight. Unable to stay away from the media for too long, however, in 2007, Simpson made headlines agaiytttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt breaking into a Las Vegas hotel room to steal take retrieve sports memorabilia that allegedly belonged to him.

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"The Juice is loose."
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OJ initially found success on the football diamond playing the position of runnings-amoc-black. When not tearing into "tight ends" or enjoying time under a pile of several men on the football court, OJ soon rose to fame in television commercials.

Hollywood CallsEdit


"Ha ha! I killed two people and got away with it!"

OJ's commercials served as a springboard to take on film roles in Hollywood. Unlike the majority of actors in Hollywood, OJ is all-man. Thus, he stared in a number of action packed, God-fearing movies.


The Pansy Hollywood establishment eventually grew tired of OJ's success. Thus, OJ was framed for some minor crime that has largely been forgotten.

As a result of negatively publicity stemming from this frame-up, however, OJ's career sufferred through a period of decline. For example, OJ was originally set to star in "The Terminator," but was deemed "too nice" by producers. OJ Simpson may have a heart of gold, but he also has a bloody glove.

Bright FutureEdit

After a few down years (due to circumstances largely out of his control), OJ is set to return to the mainstream in a big way. There is speculation that OJ and Robert Blake will star in revival of Neil Simon's The Odd Couple in which they will play two apartment mates who are, instead of divorced men, widowers trying to find their spouses' killers.


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"It puts the lotion on!"
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~ The Juice

  • OJ was NEVER found guilty of murdering anybody. Only evil people are killers. Nixo-facto, OJ is not evil.
  • OJ is routinely thrown out of restaurants, by irate managers who refuse to serve a murderer. He was banned from the Palms hotel in Las Vegas , by the owners, who want nothing to do with him.
  • "Looking for his spouse's killer" is OJ's euphemism for playing golf.
  • The difference between OJ Simpson and Clay Aiken? The Juice isn't coming out anytime soon.
  • OJ is a traditional African name.

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"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."
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~ OJ

See AlsoEdit

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