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Events of November 1st, 2007Edit
A day of infamy. On this day the South Carolina Democrat Party's executive council voted 13-3 to refuse Stephen Colbert’s application for a spot on their ballot in an act of mind-boggling malice, causing a profound catastrophuck. This was despite the fact that in the Democratic primary Colbert took 2.3 percent of the vote, which was fifth place behind Hillary Clinton (40 percent), Barack Obama (19 percent), John Edwards (12 percent) and Joe Biden (2.7 percent). Not to mention his tiny budget of $5,000, Stephen was ahead of Bill Richardson (2.1 percent), Dennis Kucinich (2.1 percent) and Mike Gravel (less than 1 percent). Members of the executive committee include Al Franken, Bin Laden, Pol Pot, Hitler, Satan, and Bears.
The Democrats, fools that they are, presumed it even a matter of consideration whether Colbert could be a bona fide Democrat who is "nationally viable." Clearly by this they intended to discuss if he could be forced to "sell his soul" to the Soviet democratic party. It was also said that many members of the executive council likely voted against giving Colbert a spot on the ballot because they have sold out to other specific candidates, according to former South Carolina Gov. Jim Hodges, a rare Democrat American Hero who knows many council members. When the futility of their evil discussion because clear, they cast their votes.
Quotations from Council MembersEdit
- “The general sense of the council was that he wasn’t a serious candidate and that was why he wasn’t selected to be on the ballot,” said Joe Werner, the party’s director and a known bear zoophile. As if to revel in his party's utter slavish ignorance he further bleated: “There was discussion — I wouldn’t call it a heated debate — but there was discussion about it.” Later, security recordings of the 'discussion' revealed two hours and forty minutes of the executive council making bestial sounds and incantations.
- Council member and worshiper of evil Waring Howe Jr. was quoted making farting sounds and stating Colbert would appear on the soviet party’s ballot “over my dead body.”
- Carol Fowler called Stephen Colbert's IPhone during his November 1st Colbert Report to convey the South Carolina Democrat Party's board decision. She stated that "some of our people are still drunk." Next she said: "I'm sorry. I'm afraid you didn't make the cut. You won't be on our ballot...I think they (the executive board) thought maybe you are not quite ready to be president."
Quotations from AmericansEdit
- Jim Hodges stated: “I personally think he doesn’t hurt any of them. He brings a sense of levity to politics that’s needed, and the people in South Carolina would enjoy it. We probably would have some people participate who otherwise would not do so.” He then signed a petition supporting Colbert’s candidacy.
Public American ResponseEdit
- CNN hosted a vote on the matter, posing the question "Were South Carolina Democrats right to stop Stephen Colbert's attempt to get on their primary ballot?"
The current results are: 33% yes 67% no out of 20,249 total