Northwestern University

12,423pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Add New Page Talk0
Northwestern University
seeks to indoctrinate America's children
with anti-Christian teaching furthering the dangerous Liberal Agenda.

Northwestern University's logo. The school's motto "Quaecumque sunt vera" is latin for "Sorry, we do not accept personal checks"

Northwestern University is THE best university on the planet. Why? Because Stephen Colbert attended it. Those who diss NU are Anti-American.

Baby Jesus
Northwestern University
Makes The Baby Jesus™ Happy
And that Makes Stephen happy, too!

History Edit

Stephen Colbert 2011 Commencement Speech at Northwestern University20:26

Stephen Colbert 2011 Commencement Speech at Northwestern University

Northwestern is famous for their brothels.

Northwestern University was established in 1857 by Dr. Colbert's great great grandfather Northwestern Colbert, and is located in Illinois. Built with Chinese labor and American supervision, the single building university was established on former Native American grounds acquired during a previous battle entitled "The Great Land Negotiation".

Originally the class size was 13, the curriculum was limited to slavery upkeep, plantation economics, and bear trapping.

The University quickly expanded to 4 buildings, including a brilliant Christian church that still stands today, which serves as a reminder to countless young men to maintain their celibacy during their hormonally charged collegiate years.

Through the years the school added multiple buildings, now totaling 34, the most recent of which is a 564 seat lecture hall entitled "Stephen Colbert Freedom Hall". The University offers 43 different degrees, including 16 doctorate degrees, all of which have been have either been earned (0) or given honorarily (16) to Dr. Stephen Colbert.

To this day, the school refuses to recognize any degree or transferring credits from an institution that includes the term "liberal arts".

Mascot Edit

As a testament to freedom, and its strong second amendment support, the original mascot was a bald eagle holding a musket. In many other images, the eagle was often portrayed as firing the musket at a vicious bear.

Sports Edit

Despite a long athletic tradition, Northwestern has not won any competition since 1944, when due to WWII most of the other college teams consisted of multiple amputees.

Setbacks Edit

In 1948 Northwestern suffered a large setback when judges legislated from the bench that Northwestern University was not eligible for federal funding unless it admitted women. University officials originally entertained becoming a private institution, however, fearing this would make them "elitist" and disconnected with real Americans, the university began admitting women in 1949, with the graduating class of 1953 containing 130 students, 2 of which were women. The university attempted to ease the transition for women into traditionally more challenging areas such as math and science with family values classes such as "Sewing 101", and "Etiquette."

External Tubes Edit

Also on Fandom

Random Wiki