Nielsen Mandela

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Nielsen Mandela
contains information regarding a culture
with which you may be unfamiliar.
Nielson Mandela

That doll is so lifelike that no one would suspect its not real.
But why is P.K. Winsome Naked?

of Black Friends

Nielsen Mandela is an Inflatable Rating Booster.

Black audiences are known to be fickle and hard to please, not to mention you develop the risk of having the NAACP protesting outside your studio if your Show becomes too urban (worst case scenario: scaring the white people with too many black programs). But thank God for the Nielsen Mandela, this way you can buy your own black audience without the risks of alienating or offending anyone.

This black doll has multiple uses to bring more diversity into your life without the hassle of actually finding or attracting that urban audience.

This product is produced by the Broadcast Diversity Enhancement Service provided by P.K. Winsome.

Proper Uses of the Nielsen MandelaEdit

  • Emergency Black Friend: Now you can have an inflatable black friend during those emergency situations when you need a black friend the most.
  • Black Viewership Booster: Can be used to increase black viewership when your ratings lack that diversity touch. Have your white viewers set up the Nielsen Mandela in front of the TV and it will instantaneously increase black viewership while doubling your ratings. Now half of your audience is black without the hassle of actually turning your TV show more urban or diversity friendly.
  • Carpool Lane Passenger: As a second passenger in your vehicle you will be able to drive the carpool lane (quick side note, you will get pull over).

Improper Uses of the Nielsen MandelaEdit

  • Black Lover: We been hearing rumors of people improperly using the Nielsen Mandela as some sort of Sex Doll which is outrageous and disgusting!
The Nielsen Mandela was not meant to be use to satisfy the deviant desires and carnal pleasures of perverts. Imagine if the Nielsen Mandela was actually a sex doll! It would steal away our white women and cause unwanted pregnancies! Not to mention the scandal and fallout if people found out that Our Glorious Stephen has dozens of Nielsen Mandelas in his secluded beach house (they are his personal black audience, you perverts!)

Nielsen Mandela
is a friend an acquaintance of "The Colbert Report"
The Report has no friends...

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