New Zealand

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Hey, where the hell is
New Zealand???
I don't care, it's not America...hey nice ass, lady!
New Zealand
is too Australian for the average American.

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Also known as "Diet Australia,"Episode #387 New Zealand is Australia's Madagascar. It's a satanic island, as it's heavily populated by the Tasmanian Devil.

History Edit

New Zealand was discovered in 1642 by American explorer Abel Tasman, who later went on to play the character of "Taz" in Looney Toons. It consists of two major island formations, which were either created by volcanic activity, if you are a godless communist, or by God if you are one of the Righteous. It was named after Old Zealand, obviously.

Politics Edit

New Zealand is populated by predominatly two societal groups, the obese beer-drinking rugby supporter, and secondly, the liberal treehuggers who banned American warships from their waters, while continuing to allow Greenpeace ships to dock in Auckland harbor, somehow feeling that armpit hair and bad personal hygiene were less damaging to New Zealand than nuclear weapons.

In 1985 the French Secret Service bombed and sank the Greenpeace ship The Rainbow Warrior in Auckland harbor. This led to a personal crisis for Stephen Colbert who is still unsure whether to tip his hat or wag his finger at the French. This caused New Zealanders to hate the French and have a common ally in the United States. Unsure how to mend the damaged relationship with the US over the nuclear powered ships issue, New Zealand entered the America's Cup to prove the viability of wind powered fibreglass boats. The plan backfired however when Dennis O'Connor the commander of the American entry called the New Zealanders "Losers" and ordered them off the stage. Luckily for the New Zealanders, they were still allowed to play in Afghanistan after the terrorists attacked New York, and their Special Army Soldiers (SAS) were given medals by George W Bush for killing lots of Muslims.

New Zealand was governed by the 'Labour' party, a left-leaning party, led by Helen Clark (Male? Female? Nobody knows but her). Now however the conservatives are back in power. Not that conservative however, their Jewish leader John Key compared himself to Obama!

New Zealanders have the nerve to elect dreadlock-wearing Rastafarians.

Native Fauna Edit

New Zealand's most famous native creature is the Maori - a small, adorable, flightless bird with a taste for human flesh. Especially Australians and French Secret Service agents.

Sports Edit

New Zealand's rugby team are named the All-Blacks, which is very helpful for those of us blind to color.

Their football (soccer) team is called the All-Whites. They are paid more than the All-Blacks, but aren't as good at dancing. That's why they don't do the haka before every match.

Claims to have won the Americas Cup yacht race in the past.

External TubesEdit

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